A Most Unlikely Card
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: On the whim of a King, hearts can roar. For a King's whim, a boy may become something more. With the whim of a King, the boy shall discover bonds he's never known before. At the whim of a King, the world will tremble forevermore. All on a king's whim. Older!Naruto. Narutoxharem. Warning! Includes many Servants and all sorts of shenanigans! No salt, please! Changed the title!
1. A King's Whim

**A/N: WARNING.**

 **I'm going to say it right now, guys and gals the pairing here is going to be a harem. And a large one at that. Probably the largest undertaking I've ever attempted, with each character having their own arc of sorts. If that's not your cup of tea, feel free to click away now. Of course, if you stay...**

 **...you're going to be in for a rare and unique treat!**

 **Disclaimer: I own NOTHING related to Fate Stay Night or its properties.**

 **...I have no excuse. I blame Fate Grand Order for this.**

 **I've been on a craze of it lately.**

 **Its a massive inspiration!**

 **Furthermore, Greyblueflames98 was in part the one to push me in this direction, so more power to him. Check out his story "Deck of Heroes", its a great tale which deserves WAY more reviews than it presently has. Now, after a long time of debating on what to do, I decided to try an amusing route. Granted this story will be mostly serious, but it'll have its moments of levity as well. Considering the massive cast of characters that are going to be brought into this...**

 **I think I'll call this...**

 **...A King's Whim.**

 **Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?**

 **This also explores the often unused avenue of Naruto deciding to go for the Scroll of Sealing, but events backfire.**

 **Horribly.**

 **Consider more a "Look what I can do!" moment on his part rather than being goaded by Mizuki. A minor change perhaps, but the smallest pebble can still make the mightiest of ripples. Furthermore** **, I feel it should be mentioned that Naruto is of Shippuden age in this story due to being held back time and time again and for the sake of the story itself. Everyone else? Part I ages and the like, save for him.**

 **Trust me, there's a very important reasoning for this.**

 **One you'll soon see.**

 **With me so far?**

 **Great! Now off we go!**

 _"What is a king to a god?"_

 _"What is god to a non-believer?"_

 _"Do you believe now?"_

 _~?_

 **A King's Whim**

 _Boredom._

The act of feeling weary because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity.

It is the great enemy of existence. Inexorable. Implacable. Insatiable. It spares neither man nor king nor the gods themselves. It knows know mercy. No pity. Wars have been started for less. Entire countries have fallen to the whims of a bored monarch or a restless dictator. Lives have ended or begun, merely to slake its thirst. It overshadows all. Consumes all. Such is its way. To resist is meaningless; one only becomes entangled in its web. Once you're caught within its grasp you have two options.

Yield.

Or overcome it.

Gilgamesh was no exception to this.

Having fought in countless wars, triumphed over the very gods themselves, the King of Uruk _loathed_ boredom. Indeed to speak of such a thing in his presence was anathema. He'd conquered countless enemies. Destroyed all who challenged him. But this, THIS was a foe he couldn't defeat! No amount of weapons could hope to bring it down. Not even _Ea._ Even now it mocked him with its silence. He could destroy this world of course. Indeed, it was well within the realm of his ability to do so. But then there would truly be nothing, and nothing was worse than boredom.

Unacceptable!

For a King who'd sampled all the pleasures that there were to offer, this brave new world should have been appealing. Entertaining. _Amusing_ at the very least. Yet it was anything but. The inhabitants of this realm were so very _fragile_ and those who weren't were mongrels unworthy of his attention. And so the conundrum. Time and again this impassable wall arose to challenge him! While these _villages_ might be boorish, they at least offered some paltry form of amusement despite his refusal to enter them. Perhaps if they threw a festival in his honor... but no, these mongrels did not understand his greatness. Indeed, they refused to accept it. For one who had seen the "truth" of the Grail, such behavior was unacceptable.

That alone demanded recompense!

But if he destroyed them...

In short, he found himself at an impasse.

One of his own making at that.

Ten years ago, by some strange twist of fate he'd found himself in this new world with no way to return. The land had the "touch" of someone else, which in turn suggested that others from his realm had once found their way here and made this place their home. Perhaps in its madness, the Grail had unwittingly reopened that path for him. Nevertheless, the King had arrived here. Deposited by the corrupted miracle that was the Holy Grail with a physical body no less. Into a realm of strife. A land of war. Yet this world was unworthy of him! He was ageless and superior. He had no need of a companion. And yet...and yet...these mongrels! It wasn't that he underestimated them, indeed, he was cautious because of that very reason! There abilities were varied, their numbers legion. Yet they were all. So. WEAK!

Unworthy of his rule!

What was strength when none could compare to you?

Of what worth were his treasures when he had no use for them?

Why even deign to interact with these mongrels at all then, if wasn't amusing?

Thus, when the opportunity to escape the endless cycle of boredom presented itself, who was he to refuse?

The King of Heroes viewed the commotion in the forest below as a more than mere chaos. He saw it as an opportunity. A chance to add another item to his vaunted collection. Snatches of conversation floated up to him on the wind, carried by harried voices. Some boy had stolen a scroll. Not just any scroll. The Scroll of Sealing. Interesting. Very interesting! Apparently this oh-so-precious item contained the "secrets" of this world and a fair number of others. And this boy had somehow surmounted their elite defenses to steal it? Finally a reprieve from this endless monotony!

He'd "liberate" the boy from his burden of course. It was only just.

No matter the world, nor the realm, it was all his garden.

All treasures originally belonged to him.

He was merely reclaiming them.

Unbidden, an idea arose.

Hmm.

Yes.

Perhaps if he used "those" then he might finally escape this boring, lackluster existence.

Given proper "motivation" he supposed even a Faker could be entertaining...

* * *

 _(...Somewhere Within Konoha...)_

* * *

Naruto wasn't very smart.

In reality, he was quite dense.

It took him more time to grasp certain concepts than others, but once he did, he took them to an exceptional level. Ludicrous, even. The boy considered it one of his finer points. Once he set his mind to something neither kings nor kage nor the shinigami could budge him from it. The sun itself could burn out, and he would die still clinging firmly to his ideals. He possessed a rare quality for determination that those triple his age lacked. To put it plainly? The boy didn't give up. If there was a will, then there was a way, as the saying goes.

Set a goal for him, and he'd surpass your wildest expectations.

On this fateful night, someone had pushed him to go that one step further.

To steal that which had never been stolen. To take what had never been taken. To claim that which had lain unclaimed for decades. If he pulled off this task, he'd finally be a ninja. He'd show them all. Prove himself to the world. Finally get the recognition he so craved. It never once occurred to him that he might have been duped. Deceived. Not to say he was a fool of course. Far from it. The boy was simply too trusting. Far too trusting for his own good. He'd never once considered that Mizuki might have...alternative motives. And why should he?

After all, he'd never once tasted the sting of betrayal in his fifteen years of life.

Despair perhaps, loneliness certainly, but betrayal?

How could he possibly expect it?

Betrayal implied someone would have to be close enough to Naruto to betray him in the first place. His bonds with his classmates were strained at best, frayed at worst. Few wanted anything to do with the class clown, the loser, the dead last. The one individual that actually did was so beyond his ken of understanding, that he didn't even know them. No, none realized his smile was a front; a facade to hide the pain he truly felt. They did not see how desperately he sought their attention with his pranks, nor did they realize that their laughter, their jeers, were a thousand knives beneath his skin.

He'd have the last laugh after tonight.

That aside, stealing the Scroll had been...almost too easy, all things considered.

The Old Man had been laid out with a single Sexy Jutsu.

Escaping had been a moot point from there.

In the end, Naruto had run as fast and far as legs could carry him-which was considerable considering the sheer depth of his chakra-and sprawled out in the forest.

From there, it was merely a matter of reading.

In all his wildest dreams, he'd never imagined he'd find so many secrets stashed inside something this large. There was the knowledge of the forbidden Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, for example. When one created a clone and then dispersed it, all the clones memories were brought back to him. In combat, the original could essentially learn from his own failures, without ever making them! Hasty notes were scrawled within. Having already developed a basic grasp of such a concept, Naruto had immediately opted to put it to practical use...

...in a rather unconventional way.

Presently, every able-bodied shinobi in the village was chasing a horde of shadow clones, each armed with a disguised log, masquerading as the Scroll of Sealing; thereby freeing the original to peruse the secret of the _real_ scroll at his leisure. As he delved deeper into its myriad depths however, there were less and less jutsu to be found oddly enough. Oh, there were all kinds of S-Class secrets sealed within to be sure, but the boy didn't pay attention to them, for they were far beyond his grasp. Best _not_ to break the fourth wall on this one no?

Eventually he came upon a portion of text so faded and worn he could scarcely decipher it.

"Huh?" The genin-to-be peered at its contents idly brushing his fingers across the tattered text. It came to life at his touch, brightening beneath his fingers. _Huh?_ These weren't jutsu. He read on, frantically scanning both the images and the text, hastily filing everything away as fast as his young mind could process it.

What the hell was a Class Card?

There came the mention of things such as Prana, Noble Phantams, spells.

And then there were other, more macabre meanings.

It told of a Holy Grail War, a great battle in the past, and instructions as to how one might triumph in such a battle. Components, machine parts, needed to build _...a time machine?_ What the devil?! Naruto read carefully from there on out, sparing no detail, no mater how inconsequential it might seem. He found the matter of a wish-granting system to be hopelessly complex, and abandoned it outright. Other secrets, however, raced right up his alley. Reinforcement. Presence Concealment without usage of chakra _-again the concept of Servants arose-_ methods of detecting sources of power, and so on.

So much to read!

There was even mention of something called Servants and the like. Those, Naruto committed to memory. Anything that could increase this strength he carefully filed away in the annals of his mind. Some things, were best left forgotten of course, but he struggled to cram them into his brain nonetheless. Anything that would help make him a better genin. Anything to reach his dream. To be acknowledged. Recognized. Now, he just had to do his best to elude pursuit. After all, Mizuki-sensei was certainly going to be in for one hell of a surprise when he showed him all that he'd learned-

Poof.

Naruto jolted back to reality as his thumb accidentally brushed something it shouldn't have.

Reacting to his touch, the miniature seal spat its contents into his lap.

Launched, actually.

"Oomph!" Grunting in surprise as much as pain, the blond massaged his aching stomach and sought the source of his sudden discomfort. "What in the world...?"

Revealed was a small rectangular box of sorts, firmly bound by a golden cord. Black as the shadows themselves, its ebony surface seemed to gleam in the faint moonlight, begging to be opened. Questing for his attention. No, that wasn't quite right. It felt...different. Warm to the touch. Almost alive. Yet...not. As though it were a piece apart from reality itself. A strange pull emanated from the mysterious box, tugging at his heartstrings and his hand almost started towards it before he caught himself. Still, it called to him.

Unbidden, his fingers twitched.

 _Open it._

Naruto wasn't sure if that voice belonged to him or another, but the desire remained.

He wanted to see what was inside. He wanted to know what lurked within.

Consumed by curiosity, Naruto found himself helpless to resist.

Gingerly, he freed the knot and unwrapped the cord.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice.

His task completed, the boy's hands closed around the lid, only to jerk back with a yowl as a burning pulse seared through his hands. An eerie image flickered in his mind, unfocused. Indistinct. When he reached for it, the scene vanished, reeling through his fingers. Undaunted, he reached for the lid again. The box was no longer warm to the touch; if anything it felt cold. Not willing to wait any longer, he jerked it free. He'd half-expected to find a weapon within, a seal of some sort, or perhaps even a smaller scroll revealing some almighty jutsu.

Instead he found...

 _...cards?"_

Countless cards, more than he could even begin to number, each bearing a myriad design of sorts.

Some held many stars.

Others, more.

Again that image flickered in his mind, but in his anger Naruto foolishly dismissed it.

He nearly despaired.

What kind of joke was this?!

Incredulous he held the box aloft.

All that work, all that running around...for a friggin' deck of cards?

"Boss!"

Naruto jerked upright with a startled hiss, his hands binding the box with the cord and slamming it into one of his many pockets. Moments later, a body came crashing through trees and into the clearing. Iruka?! No! Not now! To his relief, it was only one of his clones. But his relief faded the moment he saw the doppelganger's condition. Poor thing looked like it'd gone through a meat grinder and back again. Clothes lay tattered in rags around it shoulders, its body battered. The clone's left eye was already swollen shut, and right looked to be well on its way.

"W-What happened?!" He asked as the clone flopped forward its goggled forehead striking the dirt with a resounding thud.

"Too many...too strong...

With a resounding 'poof' the clone vanished in a plume of smoke.

"Uh-oh."

Then the memories of said clone hit Naruto like a jack-hammer, sending the boy stumbling. They'd been defeated already?! But how _-oh._ He'd failed to account for his utter lack of skill, where the basics of hand-to-hand combat were concerned. His genjutsu was abysmal, he couldn't control his chakra properly for ninjutsu, and even his taijutsu fell far, _far_ below par. His only real techniques were the sexy jutsu and while it proved most effective in ending male pursuit he realized he'd inadvertently roused the entire female populace against him.

And they were headed straight for him!

Crossing his fingers, the blond groaned and hastily summoned another horde of clones. A command transformed the copies into a more "enticing" form that would undoubtedly attract the attention of his pursuers. Quietly bemoaning the increasing drain on his reserves, he sent them off towards the distant mob. There. This trick would buy him some time certainly, but not much. He had no intention of being anywhere near _here_ when they eventually discovered his ruse. Crazy women! They'd fall on him like vultures to meat!

"Right, then." he grunted, forcing himself to stand on numbed legs. Wincing, he hastily gathered the scroll in his arms. "Time to go-

"Ah, there you are, Naruto." A deceptively gentle voice floated to him on the wind. "I've been looking for you."

Mizuki?

Relief-foolish, foolish relief-flooded the boy as he turned to face his teacher. Yes! He was so close now! All he had to do was demonstrate what he'd learn and then-

 _"Who gave you permission to speak, mongrel?"_

A golden blur streaked past Naruto's head.

Followed by another.

Then another.

Another still.

Another.

CRUNCH.

Mizuki didn't so much see the weapons in the dark as he did sense them. Years of honed instinct gave him that much. Regardless, it made little difference in the end. Despite his frantic attempts to evade the five-pronged assault, he was only partially successful. The first blade clipped his right shoulder and sent him spinning in place. The second slammed into his stomach, obliterating the organs within in grisly red relief. The third punched through his thigh and dropped to a knee even as the fourth sheared through his chest. The sheer force of the fifth, an ax, ripped the would-be defector him from his feet and drilled him into a tree.

In the end, the traitor died without so much as a scream.

Clap.

Clap.

 _Clap._

The sharp and sudden sound of clapping shattered Naruto's disbelief.

"Well done," a rich, regal voice intruded upon his melancholy, its owner appearing as though on a golden breeze. "You've given me quite the show tonight, mongrel. After all, its not often I get to see so many fools chasing their own tails. Let alone silence one."

Naruto froze.

Regal.

A king among kings.

In a word, this man was royalty.

Clad in golden armor beyond compare, he exuded arrogance from the very core of his being. No, this man _was_ arrogance. Superiority personified. A being that defied imagination. Eyes the color of fresh blood observed the world and declared it as his own. Everything belonged to him. The land. The sea. The very sky itself. Truly, there could be no contest. No challenge. No resistance. The world would continue or end at his whim. Naruto's mind continued to blurt out these incomprehensible thoughts as he beheld the golden king who had just taken Mizuki's life. What was he? What was this immense pressure he felt emanating from him...?!

Numbed, he spoke.

"You...killed him. Why?"

Harsh laughter greeted him.

"Why? I need no reason to slaughter a dog. Rejoice, for he has served his purpose. Besides," those eerie scarlet orbs narrowed upon him, "That mad dog intended to betray you and take the scroll for himself. Did you not know this?"

"B-Betray...?"

Trembling eyes turned towards what remained of Mizuki's mangled corpse. The storm of swords had rendered it nearly unrecognizable, his twisted face frozen in his final moments of horror. In another world he might have revealed the boy's secret and irrevocably altered his life forever. But now? He went to his grave with the knowledge. And thus, the boy's world changed.

Perhaps for the better.

Perhaps not.

Who can say?

Try as he might, his tongue finally got the better of him.

"Who...the hell are you?"

Red eyes found him in an instant.

"You there. Boy." were the next word to escape his divine countenance. "You have the deck?" he didn't wait for an answer, for he must have found what he sought in his eyes. "Good. You'll learn to use it in time. You have my thanks for that, at least. Now...

...um, now?"

 _ **"BOW."**_

When the order reached Naruto's ears, his body automatically did as told.

With a lurch his legs betrayed him; before he rightly knew what was happening he found himself on a single knee with his face toward the dirt.

"Wait, why am I kneeling to some guy in gold armor?!"

Despite his thought, Naruto didn't get up.

No, rather, he couldn't.

There was something about this regal individual that just compelled him to obey.

Even though he was against it.

He had no choice, no say in the matter.

Whoever he was, the man smirked as he tilted his head down at the boy.

Like an indulgent king addressed his subjects, he spoke to him.

"It is proper for a peasant to show respect to his King, especially when their ruler is about to reward them." As he spoke, the unknown man lifted a gold-clad wrist, revealing two cards in his hand. One bore silver designs, the other seemed to be etched with gold itself. Again Naruto was struck by the image of a card in his mind. His hand almost stretched out-but fear of having it lopped off held him back. He knew in his heart of hearts that he was no match for this man. To defy him was to die. To anger him was to die. To breathe without permission was to die.

"Eh? Reward?" Despite his fear, he couldn't help but be confused. What had he done to deserve a reward?

As if he sensed the boy's conundrum, the golden man gave a simple elaboration.

"All the mongrels chasing fakes has been quite amusing." he declared. "It has been some time since I've been this entertained. Now, here is your gift."

Once more, Naruto saw the two cards.

Now, the golden king held them face down, revealing the backs decorated with their unique designs.

"I have no need for these things, perhaps you will find enjoyment in them." With those words, the cards were almost carelessly dropped, and Naruto's hand reflexively shot up to grab at them. Looking back, perhaps that was a mistake on his part. Perhaps it wasn't. Regardless, the second his skin made contact with the silver one, a spark of energy flew out. Within moments it was joined by countless others, each latching onto him one by one, each draining him of his chakra like a broken sieve.

With a startled yelp, the blond stumbled backwards, unable to relinquish the cards in his hand.

"What the hell?!"

"It appears that you will be worth observing boy." The golden man stated, turning his back on him. "Heed well the words of your king and pray that I do not grow bored of you."

With a snap of his fingers the Scroll of Sealing vanished from the face of the earth, sucked into a strange golden portal that hadn't existed prior. A pit of dread opened in Naruto's stomach as he watched his prize disappear into the vortex, even as the wild silver sparks continued to dance around him with great force and intensity. Oh, no. No, no, no! This wasn't happening! This couldn't possibly be happening! Without the Scroll of Sealing he had no way of passing the test! If he didn't return the Scroll...exile would be the least of his worries!

"Hey! Wait! I need that!"

"Not my problem, mongrel! Farewell!:

With a laugh, his body began to break down into a golden haze.

Before Naruto could shout for him to come back a bright light burst from the silver card in his hand, forcing him to avert his eyes lest he loose them. The wind picked up, a great and mighty gale stealing the breath away from his lungs. A terrible keening arose, threatening to sunder the very trees themselves. To destroy a forest that had stood for generations. Distantly over the din, Naruto thought he heard the great king laughing at his plight. In fact, he barely heard himself shout over it all.

"Damn! It's like the sun decided to come down and say hi!"

After a few seconds, Naruto felt the wind die down, and the light ceased.

Groaning, he put his arm down as he pushed himself upright, reluctantly opening his eyes.

His heart stopped.

In disbelief he looked outward.

In shock, he refused to avert his eyes.

And saw.

 _Saw._

"Holy shit...

Before the blond teenager stood a tall woman of peerless and unparalleled beauty; her hair a curtain of amethyst silk that cascaded down her back. A sleeveless, black low-cut mini-dress covered her torso while black and purple elbow gloves sheathed her arms, matching the thigh high boots adorned her legs. And her body...beyond compare. No words could do it justice. Even the Legendary Tsunade herself would be hard-pressed to match her in beauty alone. And her eyes! Naruto blinked as he realized he couldn't _see_ her eyes, for they were concealed behind by a purple mask. Not so the crimson mark on her forehead.

Her stance was neutral as her body faced his.

Regarding him through her blindfold she spoke softly.

Something about her low, melancholy voice nearly broke his heart.

 _"I ask, are you my Master?"_

 **A/N: Yeah, Naruto's just pulled out Medusa.**

 **And the Scroll of Sealing is now firmly in Gilgamesh's possession.**

 **Needless to say, Naruto's not going to get away scot free from this one.**

 **And there we be! Majors props to Greyblueflames98 for helping out with the last bit. He and I have worked out an agreement of sorts; I help him write his story, and he helps me write mine. Ya really should give his story a look once you're done here.**

 **In any case, we both worked really hard on this, so I'd love to hear what you all think.**

 **Don't forget to review! Reviews feed my creative engine!**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy the previews!**

 **(Previews!)**

 _In disbelief, he gazed at his arm._

 _A series of red, intricate marks sheathed his limb._

 _"What the hell...?"_

* * *

 _The Hound of Ulster clicked his tongue in mild exasperation._

 _"Oi, Master? The pink one's annoying. Can I kill her?"_

 _Naruto barely looked up from his deck._

 _"Depends. How fast can she run?"_

 _"Ha! Well said, kid!"_

 _Sakura froze._

 _"What?!"_

* * *

 _"Why did I summon a loli, oi?!"_

 _Kuro tilted her head._

 _"Tch, what a rude master._ **"**

 ** _R &R~!_**

 ** _=D_**


	2. Stacking the Deck

**A/N: (EDIT) Just a heads up, there was an AUTHOR'S NOTE chapter before this. I've since taken that down and incorporated it into this. Chapter Three did not vanish. This is chapter three, in a sense. Grey and I are hard at work on the next chapter of "A King's Whim" and you can expect an update for "Deck of Heroes" soon as well.**

 **Alas, it also seems I've pissed a few people off so there was the need for this. Some even accused me of "sucking Gilgamesh's dick" as it were.**

 **My friends, this simply isn't the case.**

 **But in lieu of an argument,I feel the need to clarify things. I'm sorry some you seem to feel that way, but you misunderstand. Gilgamesh truly considers himself superior to the world at large. That portion of the story was told from his perspective. YES, there are a number of people who could give him a hard time and QUITE A FEW who could outright kill him if he hurt them or if they set their minds to it. Does he know this? He does not, and thus assumes himself to be the greatest.**

 **But freaking Mizuki?**

 **That maggot is fodder compared to him.**

 **Yes, I know Naruto would kick the shit out of Gilgamesh if he were in his prime.**

 **Unfortunately, he's just a kid at this point.**

 **Nowhere near his peak.**

 **Once he reaches that peak...oh boy.**

 **In the same vein, some Servants are stronger than Shinobi-Heracles for example-and others are weaker such as Angra Mainyu.**

 **Furthermore, Naruto bowed against his will. That was Gilgamesh's "Charisma" skill in effect there. He was also TERRIFIED by seeing someone killed in front of him for the first time in his life.** **And let's face it, if he hadn't knelt, Gil' would've turned him to paste and we wouldn't have our story.**

 **He's that kind of a guy.**

 **Don't expect Naruto to bow again.**

 **Because he bloody well knows that to expect now.**

 **And he certainly won't be swayed by charisma once more.**

 **I apologize for the inconvenience and wish you all a good night.**

 **ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!**

 **Nine thousand words that is~!**

 **Sorry, that bad just joke had to be said.**

 **HAPPY TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO MEEEEE!**

 **That's right, I've been on this site for ten years now! Wow, I feel old...**

 **I'll say this from the get go, I had to cut this chapter into two parts, because its literally THAT long.**

 **EDIT: I also realized Gilgamesh basically didn't tell Naruto that Mizuki intended to betray him.**

 **I've since addressed that and added it to his dialogue back in the first chapter.**

Author's Note: Clarification!

 **AND ANOTHER WARNING!**

 **When we finally see the Teams, you're going to be surprised. I'm switching them up. Drastically. In part because I have no desire to copy my co-author, but also because I want to change things up for once. The old Team Seven, that is Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura have been done to death. So, new team for Naruto, and a new sensei!**

 **Assuming he makes it out of this chapter in one piece, of course.**

 **So here we are back again!**

 **I'm sure you have questions.**

 **Basically, 'ol Greyblueflames98 and I have an agreement that we we'll try not to use one another's Servants too often. For example, Semiramis ends up playing a VERY prominent role in Naruto's formative years as will Ishtar-much to Gilgamesh's consternation-and Ereshkigal, but not so in his. Likewise I'll try not to use Jack the Ripper often, since he's laid claim to her. He has his own list, and likewise I have mine. Ascensions are also going to be a thing here. In that regard, I intend to use the (Include) and (Install) aspects for Naruto regarding some servants.**

 **But only certain ones, due to the restrictions imposed upon the Deck itself. For example don't expect him to pull a Solomon Install.** **Waaaaaaaaaay too Op.**

 **A better example would be Gilgamesh.**

 **In Grey's story he's somewhat allied with Naruto.**

 **I do believe he's even going to train him at some point.**

 **No such luck here.**

 **While _my_ Gilgamesh might assist the cast from behind the scenes at times _-and openly start trouble at others!-_ he certainly isn't here to help Naruto. ****I'd call him more a neutral character who craves entertainment. An entity that despises boredom above all else. A man who will try to eliminate anyone who irks him. He isn't the villain. He certainly isn't a good guy, either. He's allied with no one. He's simply the King. Think of him as a height for Naruto to aspire towards. Whether he ever reaches such a height remains to be seen. He's also a right arrogant bugger who thinks no one can ever compared to him...**

 **Sounds complicated, doesn't it?**

 **Don't worry, it isn't!**

 **Here we go and we're hitting the ground running!**

 **I did warn you all that there would be consequences for Naruto losing the scroll to Gilgamesh.**

 **Far reaching consequences that shake the very world itself.**

 **In this moment, everything changes forever.**

 **In this moment, a boy's dream dies.**

 **And it manifests in this chapter...**

 **...in an unexpected way!**

 _"_ _In time you will know what its like to lose._

 _To feel so desperately that you're in the right, yet to fail all the same._

 _Dread it._

 _Run from it._

 _Destiny still arrives."_

 _~Thanos._

 **Stacking the Deck**

 _Naruto wanted to cry._

Scratch that, he wanted to _die._

Whichever of the two came first, really.

Although given his _abysmal_ luck thus far as well as the complete and _utter lack of sanity_ of all parties involved, it was probably going to be the latter. In all honesty it was something of a miracle that he hadn't been found and dragged before the Old Man already. In a single stroke he'd gone from pariah to traitor in the eyes of the village. Everything that could've possibly gone wrong had. He'd stolen the Scroll of Sealing, bungled said scroll when faced with a mysterious man in gold, then said man had _stolen_ the scroll out from under him. He'd also accidentally gotten Mizuki killed, which _someone_ was almost certainly going to blame him for. Never mind that the man intended to sell him out in the end, which made him the least concern in the blond's mind. As far as he was concerned the latter had received his comeuppance.

And what did he have to show for all this beyond a splitting migraine?

A deck of cards that he had no idea how to use.

A beautiful woman who called him Master.

And a chorus of voices in his head.

How was that a fair trade?!

Speaking of voices!

 _"Geez, Master."_ a rough male cry echoed in the back of his mind as he trudged up the beaten path leading to his apartment, _"You actually have worse luck than me. That's saying something. Didn't think ya'd run into the King of Heroes right off the bat! He's a pain the ass to fight."_

 _"Gahaha!"_ girlish laughter greeted his words. _"It cannot be helped! Strong opponents bring out the best in us!"_

 _"Indeed."_ a woman's cultured sigh echoed the first's sentiment _. "Gilgamesh is not someone to be trifled with unless the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor. You're lucky to be alive, boy. I suggest you prepare before you encounter him again. Miss Demon Archer aside, I doubt that DOG will be able to help you when the time comes."_

Naruto blinked.

Gilgamesh?

King of Heroes?

Goldie was that important?

Ignorant of their Master's sudden realization, the aforementioned Lancer took offense to that remark.

 _"Ha? I wasn't asking for yer opinion, poisoner. The kid doesn't need a hag like you."_

 _"How uncouth, Lancer. One should be polite to a lady."_

 _"Umu! I agree! Disrespect isn't beautiful at all!"_

 _"Oh, that's rich coming from a pair of-_

 _'Oi!'_

Naruto ruthlessly tuned out the impending argument before anyone else could jump in and split his head open at the seams. Something in him knew better than to stop them. Still, he'd gained a kernel of truth. Gilgamesh. At last he had a name for the man who'd become the bane of his existence. Now he knew who to curse! Get stronger, he said? Don't bore him, he said? What kind of bullshit was that?! He might've spared him the trouble of Mizuki, but he'd more than made his own. Whatever ability Gilgamesh held...it would be difficult to face, let alone counter. Just what kind of technique summoned those swords?

And why did he get the feeling they were only the tip of the iceberg?

A beat of silence followed as the exhausted blond scaled the last of the rusted staircase and reached the battered door that signified his humble abode. Ah, door. He really needed to set aside some time to repair the poor thing; it had seen better days. Fishing out a key from his tattered pocket, Naruto quickly inserted it into the lock and wrenched it open. He'd almost expected to find an armed Anbu detail waiting for him within. Even now he tensed; waiting for shadows to emerge from the dark and lay hands on him. To drag him before the Hokage. Nothing came of his fears. Well. Seemed he still had _some_ luck after all. That...actually befuddled him a bit. The geezer might try to pretend otherwise in his old age, but he wasn't a slouch. He knew how to command his men and he knew that _he_ had nowhere else to go.

Honestly, he was amazed he hadn't been apprehended yet.

He might be good, but he wasn't _that_ good.

So what the hell was he missing?

The shadows held no answers for him.

"I'm home." he muttered halfheartedly.

No one answered of course.

 _"Damn, this is where you live?"_ a boy's voice overshadowed the silence in his head. _"What a dump..._

Risking a step over the threshold, Naruto restrained a small shudder.

Halfheartedly he plucked the Deck from his pocket and shoved it in a drawer.

It did little to relieve his burden.

Furtive eyes darted anxiously about, tensed for an ambush at any moment. For the depth of his deeds were finally catching up to him and panic had begun to set in. Once the four walls of his home had been a source of comfort for him. Now? It felt suffocating. Like the walls were closing in. For a moment Naruto wondered if he should cut and run. He could, couldn't he? Just drop everything and put the village behind him. After all, what did he owe them? His career as a shinobi might as well be over after this.

Reluctantly, he dismissed the notion.

Where would he go, anyway?

 _Where could he go?_

No.

For better or worse, he was trapped.

Apparently the two Servants _had_ continued their bickering while he was having his existential crisis; for a deep growl resonated in agreement to someone's declaration.

This one proved impossible to ignore.

 **...GRARGH!"**

 _"Well said, Heracles! You're not so bad after all!"_

Even Naruto knew that name.

Blue eyes bulged.

 _'Who-?!'_

A sudden bout of dizziness seized him and he pitched forward.

 _'Oh.'_ he realized belatedly. _'I didn't think I used up that much chakra..._

In truth, he hadn't; it was merely mental exhaustion; he'd pushed himself too far, too fast.

 _"Ah, shit!"_ Lancer swore. _"Kid's down!"_

Naruto would have collapsed right then and there, were it not for _Rider's_ vigilance. Even as he fumbled and lost his footing a gentle hand was there to pick him up. Strong, supple fingers gripped his shoulder and tethered him in place before pivoting, swinging his battered body around onto the bed. Narrowly catching himself against the bedframe in time, the weary teen risked a glance back at her and fought the urge to sputter. Aha. He'd nearly forgotten about her altogether. The Servant in question had thus far followed him at arms length until this very moment, never once speaking. Never questioning him. They barely spoken so much as two sentences to one another since her summoning, yet here she was.

Now, for the first time since they'd met he gave her his undivided attention.

"Why?"

"You are my Master." again, her reply lacked any hint of emotion. "Your well-being is my responsibility."

Naruto shifted restlessly on the bed.

"You keep using that word. I don't think you know what it means."

Her head tilted, though in confusion or anger, he knew not.

"You summoned me, did you not?"

"Yes, well, that was a result of-

 _"Then you are my Master."_

The sudden steel in her words made Naruto blink, but only for a moment.

A bitter laugh escaped him despite his best efforts.

 _That's it. I give up._

This situation was entirely absurd!

In the last hour, his mind had suffered in such a way that he now felt empty inside. Hollowed. His once youthful naivete had been stripped out of him and stomped on. His dreams, crushed. First by Mizuki, then Gilgamesh. With the former's death he'd desperately attempted to recover, only for the arrogant King of Heroes to crush his hope altogether. Together they'd thrown his life onto a different path, one he couldn't seem to escape. And now he had to entertain a gorgeous woman who seemed convinced that he was her Master. Plainly put, he just didn't have it in him to smile.

"Right. Some "Master" I am." he glowered at the floor. "I'm going to be dead or imprisoned by tomorrow."

 _"What the hell, Master?!"_ a troublesome Saber's voice drawled. _"Don't tell me you're givin' up just like that?! What happened to all that spirit?!"_

 _"Quiet, you fool girl."_ someone snarled. _"What do you know of betrayal? Leave the boy be."_

 _"Shut up, ya damn witch!"_

"Why?"

Now it was Rider's turn to inquire.

"Simply put?" the boy palmed his face to hide his shame, "Because I'm an idiot and I got outplayed. I learned my lesson too late. Rider, right? I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, ya know. I don't like to give up, but I don't see a way out of this, and ya know...

A spark of anger briefly blazed his eyes red.

Sharpened teeth sank into his hand.

 _...Damnit, this sucks!"_

The bed creaked in quiet protest as Rider's weight settled beside him. A faint rustle of leather informed him of her movement, but in his despair he didn't register. Until her hand settled on his knee and gave him a gentle squeeze. For such a stoic Servant an action like this was utterly unheard of. Naruto didn't know how he knew such a thing, the knowledge was simply there. As though he'd read her history at a glance and recalled some random tidbit. Nevertheless, some small part of him felt honored by this sudden and unexpected show of affection.

"Nevertheless, you are still my Master." she stated, withdrawing her hand. "I will carry out any orders you give me."

...well, that makes me feel a bit better."

Rider's blindfolded gaze couldn't possibly have seen his expression-yet she heard the despair in his voice, twisted her body aside, and offered him a faint smile all the same. Her position seemed a strange one, though her visage remained firmly fixed in his direction she still kept the door well within her "vision". From the moment he'd explained the situation, she'd gone tense. As though she were trying to divide her attention between him and the sole entrance into the apartment at the same time. Even now, he felt she would fly at whomever came through that door and cut them to pieces. Such was her vigil.

Watching it.

Shadowing him.

No, more than that.

 _Medusa was protecting him._

Without a single order on his part.

 _What._

He nearly recoiled at the unexpected knowledge.

How in the hell did he know her true name was _Medusa?_

This was too much.

When he groped for answers, his mind nearly burned itself out. As if someone had shoved an encyclopedia of unknown knowledge in his head, so too did his brain feel full to bursting. Like his skull would split open at any moment. There too many voices in his head. Even then he was aware of _others_ silent entities gauging him; monitoring his every reaction. He stood at a turning point; a precipice in his life. He could step back and lose his mind to madness. Or he could take the plunge and see what lay on the other side. What had he stumbled into?

Oddly enough, a small part of him found his plight funny.

It was almost enough to make the boy laugh.

Maybe he _should_ laugh.

To snicker and cackle, laugh his head off. To laugh and laugh and _laugh_ until everything broke and his sanity fell away. There was a release in madness, an escape. All he had to do was let go. Once he did, he'd never have to care again. Yet something stopped Naruto. A thorn of pride pricked his heart and held him back. He experienced an epiphany then; the sudden realization that were he to let go, to simply allow the horrible events of this night to break him, he'd forfeit a precious commodity. Something valuable. Something he could never recover. A thousand emotions raged back and forth like countless serpents, each one writhing into an ugly knot in his chest. Anger. Sorrow. Disgust. Pity. Confusion. Others he couldn't even begin to quantify.

In the end, his pride held out.

With each passing moment he felt his psyche harden against his fate, stubbornness rearing its head in spite for what he'd endured.

He wouldn't let this despair beat him.

Rather, he refused to let it win.

He absolutely refused.

After all this, the idea of just laying down and accepting his fate left a bad taste in his mouth. What was there left to do but fight? As futile as it might seem, this was all he had.

"...Is something wrong, Master?"

Naruto's face flushed ever so slightly.

"No," he shook his head, "I've just made my decision."

 _"Well said!"_

A golden haze escaped from the Deck in the drawer with a triumphant cry, manifesting itself in a shroud of flowing particles on the floor. Within seconds, the flowing radiance assumed a distinct humanoid likeness. Naruto stiffened at the sight, recalling Gilgamesh had departed in just such a manner. Had that golden king come to torment him once more?! In the end, his fears proved themselves misled; Gilgamesh didn't wear black and he _certainly_ wasn't a woman. Indeed, the newcomer's arrogance alone stood on a plateau of its own and her features could only be described as elven.

If Medusa embodied mystery and subtle charm, this woman stood as a peerless queen.

Rather fitting, given the nature of her identity.

Golden eyes bored into him, framed by hair so dark it resembled ebony. It fell in a wave behind her back, a midnight curtain so long as to trail on the floor behind her. A ruffle of dark feather sheltered her long, pale neck from view. Her bountiful body lay encased in a shoulder-baring gold/black dress, the latter of which served as a corset to bare most of her breasts up for all to see. She cared not a wit for what others thought of her. And why should she? The strong cared not for the opinions of the weak. This was the sensation Naruto received from the newcomer. As he looked on, she flicked a manicured hand through her stygian hair and fixed him with an expectant look, daring him to question the spikes jutting from her hands, or the ribbon trailing between them.

Her name revealed itself to him a moment later.

"Servant, Assassin." she spoke in a voice like poisoned honey, its sweet dulcet tones low and crooning like a nightingale's song. "You may address me as Semiramis, if it pleases you. I've been waiting to hear you stand up for yourself all night, Master." the woman preened, taking quiet pleasure in his discomfort. "If you hadn't shown some backbone I would've killed you and Rider on the spot."

Beside him, Medusa bristled.

"Is that a threat?"

"No, not at all." There could be no denying the subtle satisfaction in her tone. "Merely a promise. Now, then...

Before Rider could think to countermand such a statement, the Poisoner turned her ardent gaze back to Naruto. The blond marshaled his courage to meet her gaze, but found no animosity there. Quite the opposite. One might even call her gaze affectionate. Yet she didn't yield to him all the same. Naruto suspected there were some things this woman would never relent on. If she expected him to back down, she'd was going to be sorely disappointed. Ah. An epiphany dawned on him as he gazed up at the Assassin. So _that_ was what he had lost.

He'd ceased fearing death.

"What are your intentions, Master?"

Despite his best efforts, Naruto felt his right eye twitch.

"Well, not dying would be a start. I'm not a fan of prison, either."

"That's all well and good, but you haven't answered my question." the ancient beauty hummed. "Perhaps I should rephrase that; how do you intend to use _me?"_

Naruto had no way of knowing, but his very life hung on the answer.

In hindsight, the answer seemed obvious to him.

At the time, he didn't think twice about it.

He answered her with utmost honesty.

Maybe he should've lied.

 _More fool he!_

"I need your help. Isn't that obvious?"

Semiramis stiffened at his sincere response; her taut back arching in genuine surprise as her golden eyes widened. Abruptly, they narrowed on him again. As though she were only truly seeing him for the very first time. A faint chuckle spilled from her mouth, concealed behind a dainty-looking hand. Naruto was under no such delusion there; that hand could snap his neck with a flick of her wrist if she so desired. Even Rider might not be able to stop her in time. Yet Naruto felt no fear. A few hours ago he would've been blubbering on the floor, begging for mercy. Now? Nothing. Just a vague confusion, coupled with impatience.

No, it wasn't that he didn't feel fear, but he couldn't.

His mind had grown numb to it, rejecting the absurdity of the situation so violently that it ceased to recognize the concept of it anymore. He didn't _want_ to die of course-indeed, he'd flirted with death more tonight than he had in his fifteen years of life-dying would mean the end of life and he was fond of life. But as far death itself was concerned, a switch had tripped in him. In a sense, Gilgamesh was as much to blame for this as him. He'd witnessed the majesty of the golden king firsthand, but more than that, he'd encountered a being so far above him that any other threat paled in comparison to his aura.

 _He no longer cared._

Perhaps she realized it.

"Boy. You're not afraid of me?"

"Why would I be afraid of you?" Naruto frowned.

 _"Ah."_

It was precisely the right thing to say; indeed, Naruto could not have conjured a better response if he'd tried. The poisoner visibly swayed on her feet as though he'd struck her. In a sense, he had. A spiked hand shot out, steadying herself against the nearest wall. This time, her laughter sounded almost genuine by comparison. Her brief bout of weakness lasted for but a moment; then glazed eyes rounded on him. In that instant, that silent sliver of eternity, Naruto experienced...no, not fear...but a flicker of discomfort nonetheless. He had no way of knowing he'd just captured the heart of a rather dangerous creature.

A truly terrible, poisonous monster indeed.

This monster saw more than most.

She could see it now in this orphand; the barest hint of a foundation, faint perhaps, but a foundation nonetheless. His encounter with the King of Heroes had fundamentally broken him. Yet despite that, he was still whole. She could see it. The ungodly amount of energy lent to him by that beast. His unflinching gaze. That boundless determination threatening to drag down the very gods themselves. The shadow of what he would become, a being beyond compare. Given time, one might build upon these meager foundations. With the proper tools and enough patience he could become more than he was now. So much more. Yes, she could work with this. He hadn't made her heart flutter at all back there. No. Not at all. She was being entirely honest with herself!

This boy-her Master!-would do great things.

"Ara, you're just like him." Semiramis mused, thumbing her chin. "I don't know why I'm surprised. I need to watch out for that silver tongue of yours. And?" she drilled him. "What are you going to do about your situation, boy? Do you intend to fight?"

To her disbelief, a jaw-popping yawn answered.

Wordlessly, Rider rose from the bed and allowed him to pull back the tattered blanket.

"Right now?" he sighed, stifling a sudden surge of sarcasm. "I'm tired, so sleep sounds about right. We'll deal with this crap and talk to the old man in the morning." a pause, as he realized something. "Wait. Do either of you need to...?"

...I do not require sleep." Rider reassured him. "I'll assume spiritual form while you rest."

"Nor do I." Semiramis demurred. "In the meantime, I shall familiarize myself with your workshop."

The would-be genin frowned. "Right...I have no idea what a workshop is, but we'll deal with that later, I guess."

"Ho?" an elegant brow arched, though he didn't see it. "We, you say? You're acting like a ruler already. Are you assuming I won't turn on you?"

A spark of defiance snarled in his chest.

"If you were going to kill me, you would've done it by now."

Still...perhaps a bit of caution might be warranted.

Propping himself up, he cast Medusa a look.

"Rider, if she tries to kill me, end her."

Again that faint hint of a smile.

"As you command."

Again, Semiramis's reaction befuddled him.

"My," she purred, "What a broken Master I have. _Very well!"_

"Wait a minute." Naruto blanched as her shadow fell over him, "What are you-

 _"Ei!"_

To be fair, the Uzumaki expected something the moment he saw the Assassin smile; alas, even then nothing could be done. His human body was infinitely lacking compared to that of a Servant. Yes, he was slow. Far too slow. By the time he realized what Semiramis intended, it was already too late to do anything. Strong hands took hold of his head despite his muffled protest and pulled down hard. A heartbeat later he found his head lain atop a cushion of indescribable softness, as though he'd laid down on a feathery cloud. The tips of her fingers ran firmly yet gently through his hair, caressing his scalp even as the other held his head in an iron vice. When he attempted to move, that hand pressed down, locking him in place.

 _'Eh?'_

He felt a taint touch of amusement from Rider.

Baffled blue eyes swiveled upwards, reeling in confusion.

Instead of an answer, he found only the smug smile of Semiramis.

"As a reward for your bravery, I shall allow you to rest upon my lap tonight." even as he tried to raise his voice in protest, her grip intensified and that same smile deepened. "I suggest you remain still. I wouldn't want to skewer you by accident. Yes," she leaned forward. Her hair tumbled down around him in a dark curtain, tickling his nose. "I promise not to poison you. All you have to do is close your eyes and sleep...

"I don't have any say in this, do I."

That smile turned simply sly.

"You do not, Master."

"Urk."

 _"Ohohoho?!"_

 _"Wha-that's cheating!"_

 _"Is this the fabled lap pillow?!"_

A chorus of laughter-and some dismayed shrieks-from the Deck greeted him.

 _ **'All of you, hush!'**_

Unduly irritated by the chatter, he shouted them into silence. This was not to say he was uncomfortable of course; far from it, he found himself almost pleased by this strange turn of events. You see, Uzumaki Naruto had never experienced the inimitable bliss that was a lap pillow before, not once in his young life. He'd never had someone stroke his head and hum softly to him. From the moment of his birth and his parents' passing he had been denied everything. Though he was indeed nearing adolescence, he was still very much a boy at heart. An event such as this was a rare treat indeed, something to be savored, not spurned.

When faced with such blissful contentment, Naruto couldn't help but yawn.

"Look, just because you put my head on your lap...doesn't...mean...

Much to his chagrin, slumber claimed him quickly.

Unfortunately, dark thoughts haunted him to the last.

For all his bold words, he couldn't see a way out of this one.

He'd never become Hokage now, not with this kind of mark on him. Frankly, he wasn't sure he wanted to anymore. If the rest of the village was anywhere near self serving as Mizuki-as far as he knew-did he really want to prove himself to that lot? To help them? To aid them? To lead him? This was assuming he somehow kept his freedom in the first place, much less his head. The best he could hope for now was imprisonment. Perhaps exile after they sealed his chakra at the least. What else could they possibly do to him now? Kill him? That'd be merciful. Perhaps that was morbid of him. Was it? In the span of a few hours he'd had naivete stripped out of him and stomped on with a spiked boot. Yet in his final moments before he slipped into the dark embrace of the poisoner who held him, a spark flickered.

Yes, a tiny part of him wanted to believe it would all end well.

That he'd find a light waiting at the end of the tunnel.

All this struggle couldn't be for naught, right?

Surely the old man would understand.

None of this was his fault, really _._

 _It couldn't be helped._

* * *

 _(...Meanwhile...)_

* * *

 _Yes, it couldn't be helped._

Through his crystal ball Sarutobi Hiruzen solemnly observed the progress of Minato's son. He'd watched in sullen silence as the boy half staggered and shuffled back to his apartment under the ever-watchful gaze of his new companion. He suppressed a shiver at the sight. It wasn't the strange woman accompanying the boy that perturbed Sarutobi so. No, there was a decidedly glazed look lurking in those once lively eyes, as though someone-or something?-had reached inside and scooped out everything that exemplified the boy and hollowed him out from within.

He looked...empty.

The Professor deemed that more than enough and saw little reason to observe any further. He had little doubt Mizuki was at least in part to blame for some of this. He'd caught the tail end of their encounter, and it had proven telling. Whatever scheme the man held in his heart, it had died with him in a storm of swords. Perhaps Inoichi would be able to extract more from the traitors' brain...

...what little remained of it.

In that at least, they might find some justice.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said of Naruto.

The last time a Yamanka had tried to delve into that boy's brain...

...well, the poor sod was still gibbering obscenities in a padded room somewhere.

Regardless of Mizuki's machinations, it didn't change the fact that the jinchuuriki had broken the law when stealing-then subsequently losing-a valuable artifact of Konoha. It would've been one thing if he returned it. That alone would've provided him enough leeway to try and wriggle his way out of severe punishment. Not so now. The aging Kage felt his heart break anew time as he pondered the hell he was about to unleash on his young ward. To do so would be heinous. Horrible. Terrible. He didn't deserve this. Any of it. Indeed, the boy might very well constitute tonight's actions as a betrayal. And he'd be right to do so. If mishandled in any way, shape, or form, it would absolutely shatter Naruto's trust in him, at the very least. At worst it might lead to an explosion of rage that could bring forth the Kyuubi in its entirety. But it had to be done all the same.

To do nothing would incite the village to riot.

The people wouldn't stand for this.

As they saw it, Naruto had all but stolen the Scroll, murdered a loyal-bollocks!-shinobi and handed said scroll over to an enemy shinobi. It didn't matter what he said or what proof he presented; everyone would draw their own conclusions. The truth didn't matter to them; it didn't matter to the Council and it certainly didn't concern someone like Danzo. The latter had been looking for an opportunity to craft the boy into a weapon for years now and he saw this as his chance. If he didn't act, that would be the boy's fate. There was no spin to put on this. It would've been one thing if the boy "borrowed" the Scroll, thereby allowing one of Sarutobi's agents to retrieve it. But this...

...who could predict it?

If there was one silver lining to be gained from tonight's dark cloud of chaos it was this; Hiruzen had learned something. Tried and true tactics did not won the day. Luck had. Blind, bloody luck. Dozens of shinobi were sent out to apprehend a boy that, by rights, wasn't a trained ninja. Capable of occasionally running circles around Anbu perhaps, but untrained nonetheless. No one succeeded. If he hadn't returned of his own volition, Sarutobi might've suspected him of going rogue. In that light, perhaps a change was necessary. Maybe the upcoming team roster should be altered after all...

No, he was already getting ahead of himself.

There were more pressing matters.

Matters he must attend to.

Mizuki's treachery aside...

...as much as he loathed it, the boy would have to be punished, one way or another.

But for now, he was inclined to let him rest. The lad deserved that much at least. In any case the ANBU would retrieve him on the morrow without too much of a fuss. Putting the newcomer aside, he remained confident in them. It wasn't as if Naruto-kun had more allies to call upon. No, that was absurd...

 _How wrong he was._

* * *

 _(...Within Naruto's Ramshackle Apartment...)_

* * *

 _The deck stirred._

Given life by the blond's potent chakra, it had lain in wait.

Observing them.

Watching all.

Until now.

It could be said that the Deck possessed intelligence of a sort; a strict loyalty-one could even call it fealty-to whomever commanded it. Once bound to them it would brook no other Master until their death. The container in which the cards slumbered even contained a portable bounded field of sorts, capable of detecting threats within a mile radius. Decidedly unimpressive given the accomplishments of magi in other worlds and beyond, but its Creator had never intended its shell to do the fighting. No, that task was entrusted to the cards, and the Heroic Spirits within. It was their task to protect the Master from any undue threats.

Threats that were rapidly approaching while their liege lay in slumber.

Unacceptable.

Rider and the Assassin were tasked with defending the interior.

Yet the exterior was left woefully unguarded. Vulnerable.

This could not stand. The Master must be protected.

With a thought, it roused valiant warriors.

Warriors to protect. Attack. Defend.

His safety must be preserved.

Even if it roused Demons.

Or ancient Divinity.

All for his sake.

For him.

For its liege.

 _For the Master._

* * *

 _(...Just Outside Naruto's Apartment...)_

* * *

Their orders were simple.

Subdue the boy and his companion while they slept and bring them to Lord Danzo. Preferably unharmed, but if force was required then so be it. No one was to notice them. Any they encountered were to be eliminated or captured as well. It was pivotal that their cell move before the Council-or worse, Sarutobi himself-tried to bring the boy in for questioning. This was an unparalleled opportunity and it mustn't be wasted. On that, the men and women were in complete and utter agreement. Konoha's jinchuuriki had been given free reign for too long. Tonight he'd gone too far. Someone needed to tighten his leash.

They numbered four.

Their strategy, threefold.

Approach in silence, using the shadows the avoid detection. Breach the door with explosive tags. Disorient those within using smoke bombs. Fu would take control of the boy's companion. If the boy resisted, Torune would incapacitate him. Terai and Kanoto were merely present as a formality to complete the squad. They were elite warriors each of them, trained to obey orders without question. Their target wasn't even a ninja; indeed, he'd all but flunked out of the Academy three times now. Resistance was expected to be minimal at best, minor at the worst.

 _Minimal._

The first man to reach Naruto's door vanished in a hail of what could only vaguely be described as a hail of impossibly fast lead projectiles. Terai didn't so much perish as he did _disintegrate;_ flesh and armor alike reduced to a fine red red mist in the roar of gunfire that followed. Still, his death was not in vain. In the millisecond it took for his ruined body to fall Torune and the rest flung themselves to safety, the latter taking up positions in nearby rooftops. They'd scarcely recovered their bearings before their unseen assailant opened fire again, forcing them to the streets below.

Kanoto was a hair to slow.

The attack caught him in mid-leap.

Or perhaps their opponent was just that agile.

Even as he hurled himself to the ground below the sky opened and death descended upon him. In a last desperate act the ROOT swordsman tried to deflect the agile bullets with his blade. Laughter greeted his efforts and he perished for the attempt; his chakra-coated sword tumbling through bloodied fingers as the storm of lead ravaged his body.

Torune inwardly swore at the sight.

Even then he couldn't find their opponent until they revealed themselves.

"Gahahahaha!" a rich, demanding voice carried down towards them from above, "Carrying your assault out at night, eh? How bold of you lot! Allow me to repay your kindness!"

Silhouetted against the full moon, her body clad in a dark military uniform with a golden crowned cap and thigh-high boots, she embodied the very aspect of war itself. Confidence. Arrogance. Wrath. She was all these things and more. Red. Black. Gold. The colors couldn't even begin to do her justice. Crimson eyes like so many bloody endless battlefields leered down at them, rivaled only by the scarlet cloak draping itself around her shoulders and her flowing ebony hair. She stood tall and proud, katana planted into the roof, hands laid atop its inlaid hilt. In contrast to her rigid demeanor, her smile was one of pure, childish glee.

"Rejoice!" Her accented cry rang out, loud and brimming with derision. "You face The Devil King of the Sixth Heaven! Oda Nobunaga!"

It was a statement of such pride that it couldn't be refuted.

Yet she looked utterly out of place.

Moreso her weaponry.

Torune balked.

To merely call them weapons wouldn't have done them justice. Flintlocks, pistols, every sidearm imaginable and then some. Each hung in the air behind their surly master, levitating as though held aloft by a series of invisible strings. As they looked on the girl banished those that had just discharged themselves, instantaneously replacing them with a flicker of blue light. Countless weapons. Innumerable armaments. A wall of near-limitless firepower capable of tearing through men and women and armies alike. Arquebuses in the dozens, hundreds, thousands. To count them was to count droplets of water in the ocean. Impossible. Somehow, he knew the name of technique all the same-no, it was as if the girl allowed him to know if it.

 _Three Thousand Worlds._

Leveled downward.

At them.

"Mind Transfer-

"HA! As if such a paltry skill would affect me!"

Fu raised his hands and muttered something incomprehensible; a peal of demented laughter from the girl answered immediately, prompting Torune to realized what he'd just missed. His partner had just attempted to take control of her. He'd failed. Now, the Aburame found himself inclined to agree with the Yamanaka. They hadn't been prepped for this...whatever she was. Two members of their team were gone already. Fu could not control her. _He_ could not get close enough to touch her. Retreat. They had to retreat, they had to get away from this girl, this monster, this _demon_ before-

Perhaps waiting for that very moment, the blackette spoke up.

"Yes, it cannot be helped." the indomitable Archer hummed to herself, crossing both arms before her bosom. "Ordinarily, I would be inclined to be merciful; to let you lot crawl back to your master and tell him of this night. However!" A towering sneer warped her pale features, transforming that once benign visage into an expression of pure murder. "You peons tried to take _my_ Master away from me. Before _I_ could meet him! You dare inflict such indignity upon me after I'd finally awoken?!"

Wide scarlet eyes blazed as though lit from within.

Gleaming with unholy light, they narrowed.

 _ **"That is an unforgivable sin!"**_

As one, the rifles pivoted, their hammers cocking back with a resounding click.

A strange, fleeting phrase flickered through Torune in his final moments.

 _You cannot reason with a tiger when your head is in its mouth._

Yes, this saying certainly applied to the Servant above.

His head vanished in a red spray moments later.

Fu survived the barrage through sheer instinct alone; though he didn't truly recognize the weapons hanging above their heads, he appreciated their power and understood the danger. Thus he wasn't caught unawares like the rest. A quick substitutions spared him the fate of his comrade, replacing his body with a moldering trash can from a nearby alley. Even as the racket of a thousand bullets striking metal rang out he was already moving with all the speed he possessed, flinging himself down an alleyway to avoid her prodigious rate of fire. That fool girl couldn't hit what she couldn't see. Thankfully she remained focused on her present barrage. How had she not roused the entire village with that ruckus?!

"Why are you running?!" a demented cackle rang overhead. "Surely you don't intend to flee?!"

Escape? Foolish. In Fu's mind retreat was not an option. It never had been. That the boy commanded such powerful allies was of a secondary concern now; indeed, one might say it drove the necessity of his mission home for him. His objective remained intact despite the obstacles he'd encountered thus far. One way or another, he resolved to bring him in. He needn't battle that madwoman to snatch the jinchuuriki; she wasn't his objective here. Yes that was the way. He still possessed a few tricks to outmaneuver her. Just needed time.

He would retrieve the boy or die trying, else Danzo-sama would...would...

...why couldn't he feel his legs?

In dismay he risked a glance down, only to find a crimson spear jutting from his chest. It hung there for a long moment, protruding from his heart with silent intent. What? His mind refused to comprehend what it saw, the very sight of the weapon so abnormal that it refused to register in his psyche. Trembling fingers reached for the crimson shaft, only to have it violently withdrawn. Denied its pillar od support, Fu felt his body tumble to the ground in a heap of convulsing limbs. His body was already fading even as the spear left the wound, his mind sustained through sheer will.

As such, the Yamanaka had time enough to see his killer.

A cerulean boot entered his field of vision.

With fading eyes, he looked up.

"Sorry," a rough voice trickled in his ear, "I'm not a fan of backstabbing, but you didn't leave me much choice."

By contrast this one seemed comparatively simple.

Clad entirely in blue with wild azure hair to match, he looked like a wild dog. Red eyes not unlike those of the girl gazed down at him, though these were soft with pity. That crimson spear in his hand was another matter. Resting against an armored shoulder it radiated bloodlust on a primal level, hungering for battle even as it dripped with blood. A twist of the wrist brought its cursed tip to bear. Ah, his failing mind realized. There was no mercy to be seen in those eyes now. So this was how it would end...

Surely the seals on his body would relay some useful information to Danzo-sama.

They simply had to.

They must.

"Hold still now," his killer warned as he readied his weapon, "I'll make it nice and quick. Wouldn't want to wake up the kid, would we? He's got a big day tomorrow."

Everything was swimming now; it took all he had to make the words out.

Even so, the dying Anbu persisted to the very last breath.

If he he could just learning something useful...!

"You monster...just...what are...you...?"

Lancer scoffed in quiet irritation.

"Ha? Isn't that obvious, now?"

A streak of scarlet arced.

"I'm just a loyal dog."

His last sight was that of _Gae Bolg_ slamming into his face.

 _Blackness._

* * *

 _(...Early the Next Morning...)_

* * *

 _Sunlight._

"Ugh, my head...

Perhaps that was what woke him.

Maybe his dreams had something to do with it.

Regardless, the faint light on Naruto's face would not be denied any longer; though he scrunched his eyes shut and struggled in vain to cling to the sweet embrace of slumber, his body simply wouldn't have it. He'd had his sleep and now it was time to rise. Belatedly, Naruto realized he'd somehow managed a full night's sleep despite his nightmares. Semiramis must've deposited him in his bed after he'd dozed off, for he found himself tucked secure and snug beneath the covers. Strange specters had haunted him as he slept. He'd dreamed of spears and swords, rifles and chains alike. Fire and blood. Of poison and the cries of a woman. And there, at the end of it all, a hill of swords. So many jumbled images that he couldn't even begin to make sense of them all but that last one, at least, remained poignantly clear.

Did they have something to do with his new allies?

When he stretched his senses outward he sensed...well, not so much _something_ as the lack of nothing. Bleary blue eyes squinted hazily at the room before him, noting its immaculate state. Odd. He didn't remember trying to clean recently. He certainly hadn't had the time for that before he'd passed out last night. No, not clean he realized. Not entirely. As he looked on, he realized someone had carved a fair number of strangely luminescent runes-and how did he know that word?!-into a number of the walls, their faces overlaid with strange script he didn't understand.

More importantly!

When had he acquired _that_ ability to sense things?! He'd done so instinctively, but the realization startled him all the same.

"Rider?" he croaked out into the empty room.

Silence.

"Semiramis?"

No response came.

Rather, not from the room.

 _"Ah, Onii-chan don't be so loud..._

Not a moment later a pair of slim, tan arms slithered up from beneath the covers and fastened themselves around his waist-and one of his arms-in an inescapable grip. With a firm yank they dragged him back down to the mattress with firm insistence and pinned him there. Something-or someone-shifted under the sheets and crawled onto his chest. Naruto's blood turned to ice in its veins. Not from fear but rather, disbelief. Someone was in his bed. Someone was in his bed. Someone. Was. In. His. Bed! With a massive effort of will he tamped down on his own rising panic. No, no he wasn't going to scream.

No, not a bit.

Not at all.

 _'Eh?'_

A few hours ago he would've started shrieking and thrashing about in his bed like a madman and in doing so created quite the situation. Indeed, the only thing preventing him from kicking up a fuss now was sheer morbid curiosity and his own raw disbelief. Twitching, he turned toward the sound and spied a tuft of snow white hair peeking out beneath the blankets. The weight resting against his chest wasn't unbearable, but bothersome all the same. He wanted to look. Should he look? Did he dare look? What manner of creature awaited him beneath the blankets? Was it human? Would they kill him? No, no, no, putting the matter of humanity aside, he was certain he shouldn't be in this damn situation in the first place!

"Tch, nothing ventured nothing gained!"

The trembling fingers of his free hand twitched.

With an expaserated sigh he reached down and ripped the blankets free.

An annoyed hiss greeted him, akin to the sound of a small kitten.

Odd, it didn't sound like a beast at all-

Urk.

She-for this was most certainly a she!-did indeed have white hair. A young girl who barely looked to be in her teens. Clad in revealing red and boisterous black, her outfit left much to be desired; indeed, one could scarcely call it an outfit at all for all the tanned skin it revealed-oi! She was too young! Too young! Far too young to be wearing something like that! Yet a distant, detached part of his mind pondered upon other matters. Was that a mark on her stomach? What purpose did it serve? And oh she was waking up...?!

"Jeez, you're makin' a racket...

Bleary amber drifted open.

Blinked up at him.

Squinted.

Smiled.

"Oh, you're up, Onii-chan. Good morning! Time for a recharge~!"

Humming softly, she leaned forward.

 _Chu~!_

 _'Did she just?!'_

Naruto's mind leaped out the window.

In hindsight, there was only one response.

He jumped out of bed as if he'd been _burned._

"When did I summon a loli, oi?!" Naruto squawked!

Chloe von Einzbern otherwise affectionately known as Kuro, took offense to that.

"I'm not a loli!"

"Then why do you look like one!?"

Unfortunately he failed to take into account the younger girl's tenacity. Or her grip. In his haste to escape he sent them both tumbling to the floor in a tangled mess of shouts and crossed limbs. His sole saving grace was that he managed to wriggle his remaining arm free and trap her beneath him. Even then, the strange girl's petulant smile didn't diminish.

"Why're ya freaking out? It was just a-

"No, no, no!" Naruto frantically shouted over a hand over her response. "We are not speaking of this! Not! Who the hell are you?!"

Her grin was telling.

"Call me Kuro. Nice ta meetcha, Master!"

 _Thus, the first day of his unexpected new life began._

 **A/N: Yes, I just did that.**

 **And now Naruto, through the actions of his well-meaning Servants, has blood on his hands. Oh, dear.**

 **He's also got himself an adorable little sister of sorts~!**

 **I say again, Sarutobi Hiruzen is a fool.**

 **A good-natured one perhaps, but a fool nonetheless.**

 **Conversely, the same label applies to one Danzo Shimura.**

 **You really shouldn't play with fire when you've got DYNAMITE in your hand.**

 **Don't worry, there won't be bashing; but I won't be singing Konoha's praises either.**

 **Yeah, Naruto's life got a hard reality check and its affected his mind drastically.** **For better or worse remains to be see, but his mind has...matured, if not hardened from this incident. He's all but given up his dream of being Hokage.** **Next time, consequences! But are they positive or negative? Hmm...**

 **Don't forget to review! Reviews feed my creative engine!**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy these previews!  
**

 **Yes, there's a lot of them. Why would you complain about that.** **Mind you, they're rough. As in** **not concrete yet. They're just possibilities, after all. This story may be a tad serious at times, but it can certainly have its moments of levity.** **You'll be surprised!**

 **Guess, I dare ye!**

 **(Previews!)**

 _"Why did you possess her, oi?!"_

 _"Simple. Unlike Ishtar, I lacked a host. She was suitable."_

 _"That's besides the point! Let her go!"_

 _Ereshkigal grinned._

 _Or was it Ino?_

 _"Does this form not please you?" humming, the divine blond gave a small twirl, flaunting her new body in a way the Yamanaka never would. "I'm rather surprised myself. She proved far more compatible than I'd expected. Our union was nearly seamless. To think, I nearly went for that pink banshee. Besides that, we_ _made a contract. She happily accepted the terms, I assure you."_

* * *

 _"Do you know what this is, Praetor?"_

 _"Er, no?"  
_

 _"Its a trap!"_

 _"Wahahahaha! That's right, it cannot be helped! Traps are best when they're sprung!"_

 _"...someone going to stop Nobunaga?"_

* * *

 _Medusa gracefully tilted her head._

 _...Master, your hands."_

 _"I'm a dead man, aren't I?"_

 _"That depends entirely on your response."_

* * *

 _In the end, revenge is a dish best served cold._

 _"Ara, that's a promising scary look you have there. Did you need something?"_

 _...train me."_

 _A thin smile blossomed._

 _"Louder, Master. I can't hear you."_

 _Blue eyes burned the color of bloody rubies._

 _"I need you to train me!" his voice cracked on the last word, breaking in its grief. "I need to get stronger! I'm no good to anyone like this! I can't protect anyone, let alone myself! You guys all call me Master, but I can't do anything by myself! I hate it!"_

 _As he looked on, her blank countenance turned positively euphoric._

 _"Ah~! There it is. That's the face I wanted to see. Do you want to avenge them?"_

* * *

 _"Oh fuck this. Berserker! INSTALL!"_

 _Dark eyes bulged._

 _"What in the-_

 ** _"You. Fly."_**

* * *

 _The blade twisted in the wound._

 _"How does it feel to die in vain, fool?"  
_

 _A wet, hacking cough answered his words._

 _He expected weakness in their final moments. Despair. Exhaustion. Groveling at the very least. They always groveled at the end. Be it for mercy, their lives, or their families. He never gave it to them. Why should he? He'd forsaken the path of pity long ago. There could be no room for mercy in this line of work. The weak died and the strong thrived. Anyone who thought otherwise was naive. Just what had this one been thinking, trying to be a hero by stalling him? Impeding his quest for immortality? Nay, it was the very height of folly; one they would pay for with their life!_

 _The laughter, when it came, completely threw him off balance._

 _A bloodied hand seized his arm, drawing him close._

 _"Not...in vain..._

 _"What?!"_

 _Blazing eyes glared up at him._

 ** _"Sacrifice."_**

 _Fire flickered in his peripherals._

 _Too late, he realized what they intended._

 _"YOU FILTHY-_

 _A thousand explosions blazed the world white._

 ** _R &R~!_**

 ** _=D_**

 **~Nz.**


	3. Wrath of a Hero

**A/N: REVIEW FOR IT FEEDS MY ENGINE OF CREATION!**

 **So. Remember that troll from before? Apparently he's a persistent little bugger.**

 **Also, I apologize if any of you have troubling review this chapter due to issues with the sight.**

 **God of War had me firmly in its grip for awhile, but I've finally escaped! What's that? DLC? No, no, no! Lalalala! I can't hear you! If this game has DLC that's anything like the main story then I'm never going to be able to stop playing! Damned muse! Let me update my Fate Stay Night stuff, damnit!**

 **Ahh...I'm tired...!**

 **I feel I should point out that Naruto does indeed have F-Rank Luck.**

 **Sometimes this is a boon...other times not so much.**

 **Sorry this took so long, Greyblueflames98 and I were working on something big!**

 **But now I'm FINALLY able to continue!**

 _"Unhand him."_

 _"And if I refuse?"_

 _"Then your hand comes off."_

 _~?_

 **Wrath of a Hero**

 _"Hmm. You'll do."_

Ino opened her eyes.

At least, she made the attempt.

Her body obeyed her, yet sluggishly.

A small part of her wondered if she was still dreaming. Surely she must be, for her world remained dark. As if someone had draped a pall over her vision, so too did she find her sight blackened; rather than the gentle morning light filtering through her window curtains she found herself unable to recognize anything beyond the strange entity looming over her bed. She'd never witnessed such a strange phenomena in the entirety of her young life, yet somehow it seemed almost familiar to her now.

Shapeless and formless, it lingered over her like a cloud.

As she looked on, it almost seemed to shift.

As though she were looking at herself. A mirror's image, an odd reflection. Yet changed somehow. Both her, and not her. That was most assuredly her face staring back at her from the cloud but the eyes were all wrong, almost frighteningly so. They were red, and her hair was more akin to spun gold than the pale tresses she'd known all her life. And that somber expression...that most assuredly didn't belong to her. She'd never seen such a pitiful face. It almost made her

"Who are...?"

 _"I am Ereshkigal."_ it hummed at her with a voice eerily similar to her own. _"I have need of your body to aid my Master. Tell me, do you seek power, girl?"_

"My...what?!"

 _"Gah, so impatient!"_ despite lacking a solid body, the little cloud of golden light almost seemed to pout. _"Ishtar was brought into this world with that Tohsaka girl as a host. As I was not, I have need of a body or I will cease to exist. Yours proved most suitable given the limited choices available, and I find the idea of dying repulsive. Now, yes or no?!"_

Was it pity or compassion that compelled her to reach out her hand just then?

Regardless, the young Yamanka caught herself stretching towards it.

She thought she caught a smile on "her" face just then.

 _"Ah. Very well then. Our contract is sealed."_

Wordlessly, it dove down into her body.

 _Cold light burned the world white._

* * *

 _(...Scene Break...)_

* * *

The door crashed open with a resounding crunch.

 _"Hiruzen!"_

Not at all rattled by the sudden display of brutality, the Professor calmly took a long drag from his pipe and exhaled a thick cloud of smoke. It was his way to weather the storm and _then_ respond, not before. As such he didn't so much as bat an eyelash at the the destruction of his door or his office; nor did he respond when said intruder rammed his hand onto his desk and glared hatefully down at him. He'd seen and done far too much in his storied career as a shinobi to be rattled by such cheap theatrics. Indeed, the Third Hokage simply held his tongue and awaited an explanation for the outburst.

In the end, he got his wish and then some.

"Hmm? Is there a problem, Danzo?"

For his part, Danzo took the bait.

"That boy killed two of my operatives!" his good arm pounded against the desk anew, rattling the stack of papers there. "I'll have his head!"

"Then perhaps you shouldn't have sent your men after him." he replied thinly, laying down his pipe. "Naruto will have his pay docked and be placed on suspension, but he will graduate. If it makes you feel better, I intend to have him supervised."

"IT DOES NOT!"

"Need I remind you that you made an attempt to take the boy yourself? This is your comeuppance." And something of a relief for him at that. He'd only just learned of Danzo's heavy-handed attempt early this morning, in no small part thanks to Yamato. Somehow, he'd been repulsed by an unknown party. And now that word was out, he wanted to play the victim and escape the blame? This would bear keeping an eye on. No one had come or gone from the boy's apartment since dawn, yet try as they might, none of his agents had been able to gain entry.

That...that didn't bode well, considering last night's troubling evens.

He'd have to confront Naruto on this, like it or not.

Best to dismiss Danzo and be done with it.

"Is there anything else, then...?"

Beneath the bandages, the flushing of his rival's visage was like that of an old bruise; a sickly shade of puce darkening his already pale face.

"That boy isn't human, you fool!" he raged. "Neither are those allies of his! They must be controlled!"

"And what allies might those be?"

In response, the old war-hawk stormed out.

Little did he know said boy was having problems of his own...

* * *

 _(...Presently With Naruto and Company...)_

* * *

 _"Will~you~please~stop~shaking~me~Master~?!"_

"That depends," an icy voice hissed softly. "Have you learned your lesson?"

A beat of awkward silence pervaded the humble abode known as Naruto's apartment.

...no?"

"THEN THE SHAKING CONTINUES!

 _"Wah~!"_

If Nobunaga had expected to be praised for her efforts last night, she was going to be disappointed. _Sorely_ disappointed. Instead of the accolades and head pats she expected, the peerless conqueror found herself on the wrong end of a heavy-handed shaking courtesy of one very exasperated Master. Under any other circumstance it would've been downright comical; a Servant being thrashed about by a boy who was, by all accounts, weaker than her. Of course she wasn't harmed by it-indeed, she barely even felt the gesture.

That wasn't the point!

She'd been denied her reward!

"But I helped defend you!" she wailed between shakes! "I demand recompense!"

Naruto paused, considering. "What kind of reward?"

"A good one! A head pat at the very least!"

Outwardly, he feigned a smile.

Inwardly, his mind was still racing like a wild deer fleeing from a much larger predator. He'd seen the bodies outside his apartment. The blood. There could be no covering this up. Even now he had the broken shard on an Anbu mask tucked into his jacket. Now, Naruto might be dense at times, but he wasn't an idiot. He didn't doubt his allies accounting of the incident; the Anbu had tried to take him while he'd slept. Lancer and Archer had prevented it. Even if they hadn't, he doubted Semiramis or Medusa would've let him go without a fight.

In his anger, he made the wrong assumption.

So. The old man had tried to kidnap him.

Obviously he took exception to this.

They needn't know that.

...fine."

Red eyes widened.

"Truly?!"

Relenting, he hesitantly gave her ebony tresses a light pat with his good hand.

The Demon Archer practically purred in happy contenment.

Had she a tail, it would've been wagging.

"Umu!"

 _"Hey, that's my thing!"_ a sharp, regal voice whined within his mind. _"Unfair, unfair! How could you be so cruel, praetor?!"_

 _'Not now, Saber! Its cramped enough in here already!"_

For someone who so rarely entertained company within or without, Naruto found himself at something of a loss. His tiny apartment was suddenly home to not one, not two, not three, but five guests to attend to, the latter of whom had reinforced the walls of his home with runes. Said runes, coupled with Assasin's bounded all but ensured no one short of the hokage himself could break into the establishment. Even if he did, he would both immediately and loudly find himself evicted by the small army within. He'd seen what they'd done to the Anbu who'd come for him.

It was...disconcerting to say the least.

Honestly, it made him reconsider his life goals.

Screw being Hokage, he'd much rather become a Hero!

No one would be able to take advantage of him then, no one could-

"Be that as it may, Master." the dulcet tones of Semiramis plucked him out of his daydream with gentle insistence, "You still have yet to address the elephant in the room. Your leader has clearly betrayed you. Thanks to my fortifications and Lancer's runes no one can breach these walls, but once you step outside...

Chloe snickered, kicking at the bed.

"Poor Oni-chan. What're you going to do?"

"I don't wanna hear that from a kiss-stealing loli!" Naruto croaked.

"Oni-chan!" she whined!" I keep tell you, I'm not a lol _i-ack?!"_

A pillow ruthlessly sailed across the room to smack against the smaller Servant's face. With a startled squawk she flopped back onto the mattress.

"You stay put! I'll deal with you later!"

"Aaaaaw, so you do care about little 'ol me-

A fresh volley of pillows answered that cheeky remark.

Cu Chulainn or _Lancer_ as he had come to call him, agreed with Assassin's assessment as much as it pained him to do so. They weren't safe. Far from it. If anything they were engaged in a siege...and he'd seen enough of those to know how this would end. Turtling up here would be the death of them. Like Medusa he'd held his tongue until this moment, propping himself up against a wall, casually observing the dialogue between their unlikely allies. Geez, they really had a strange master this time around. And with no Grail War in sight...

"Oi, Master." he spoke, commanding the boy's attention. "They way I see it. You've got two choices now. Run or fight. Which'll it be?"

Naruto paused, frozen in the act of flinging a fresh pillow.

"Well, seeing as we've got nowhere _to_ run...

...then we have no choice but to fight, do we not?" Medusa posited, finally making herself known. "If that is the case, then I will stay by your side."

Lancer's smile turned positively feral.

"Was hoping you'd say that."

"Sooo, I just need to get changed...

"No!" Chloe slapped his hand away when he moved to reach for closet jumpsuit. "No more orange! That's the color of death!"

"What? What's wrong with orange?!" he wailed!

"For a ninja? Everything! Find something else to wear!"

"But orange is all I have right now!"

A beat of silence passed between the assembled servants.

"Er, Master?" Nobunaga coughed into a fist. "You wouldn't happen to...be suicidal, would you?"

"What kind of question is that, oi?!"

"Well, its just, wearing those kind of clothes...they aren't good for stealth." Perhaps sensing his realization, she barreled onward in the face of adversity. "Its one thing if someone of _my_ caliber wears bright colors, after all, I'm nearly indestructible. But you...

"You're weak, kid." Lance deadpanned. "Until you get some meat on those bones, you don't want to attract anymore attention."

"Well, unless you want to walk around in my pajamas, I don't see a way around this-

 _"Ei!"_

In response Nobunaga ripped the crimson jacket hanging from her shoulders and flung it at him like a missile. The blond immediately sputtered in surprise, but rather than fly at him her cloak settled neatly around him, as though it had a life of its own. Hmm. Not a bad color. Not a bad color at all...

"Ah, my mantle looks good on you!" she hummed, inordinately pleased. "This will do until we can procure you more...appropriate vestments."

...I don't have any say in this, do I?" the boy muttered.

"None whatsoever!"

"Such misfortune," he groaned, palming his face.

Semiramis preened.

"Now, what do you intend?"

Naruto's right eye visibly twitched.

"First? I intend to pay the old man a visit."

"Not alone, I trust?" Assassin's words took on an edge.

"What? No! Even _I'm_ not that dense. No, this is what we're going to do...

* * *

 _(...Scene Break...)_

* * *

Hiruzen usually welcomed Naruto's unannounced visits to his office.

The blond's presence always made for a good excuse to have a short reprieve from the never-ending towers of dreaded paperwork that haunted him. It wasn't a secret that the aged Hokage had become very fond of the oft-jovial boy, going so far to see him as a surrogate grandchild. Unfortunately, given the current circumstances coupled with Naruto's eyes holding enough fury to stop a twister dead in it's path, the Third knew this wouldn't be a pleasant visit. At least he had an idea to why Naruto looked ready to duke it out with nature.

...and then there was the matter of his strange attire.

"No doubt you have questions."

With a brief wave of his hand, the Hokage activated privacy seals and invited Naruto to take a seat in front of his desk. For a moment, the blond just stared at the village leader with those surprisingly intimidating, cold eyes before he sat. Before any words were uttered, Naruto reached into his coat and threw what was left of the ANBU mask face-up on the vacant middle of the Hokage's desk.

It landed with a harsh clatter the broken visage upturned towards the Hokage.

If his actions didn't clarify his intentions, his response did.

"Why?" he demanded more than asked. His voice cracked with multiple emotions. Anger, sadness, betrayal… those were just three of the plethora Hiruzen could identify. The old man sighed as he rubbed his. Once more, he had to clean up after one of Danzō's messes, and this one was going to be a bitch to attend to, considering the obvious conclusion Naruto had reached.

"Naruto, I know how this looks-"

"Really? Because it _looks_ like you sent a couple of ass-hats to abduct me while I was sleeping" The younger one shouted at his elder, eyes smoldering with indignation. This outburst continued, his voice hotly lashing out in rage Despite his better judgement, Hiruzen opted to let the boy exhaust the rest of his rage rather than interrupt.

He'd soon come to regret that mistake.

"What the fuck were you thinking!? I am _not_ a fugitive who needed to be dragged in like a damn dog!"

Now the jinchuuriki stood up and planted both hands on the surface of the desk, uncaring of the papers that were shifted out of place. His eyes somehow increased in fury. The Hokage saw the barest tinge of crimson bleed into those oft-azure orbs. A minuscule, almost undetectable blip of a toxic, dreadful chakra was registered by the Hokage's war-tested senses. This situation needed to be controlled. Now.

"Naruto, you need to calm down." Hiruzen's voice spoke at last, his voice low.

Unfortunately, Naruto was every bit his mother's son despite not knowing her name.

"Fuck no! I'm not going to 'Calm down'!" Roared the irate blond. "I want answers dammit!"

Eyes like bloody red daggers blazed into the man's across from him. Unknown to Naruto, the level of agitation radiating off him had roused a certain servant from their rest. Hiruzen sighed. He desperately needed to abate the boy's temper but it seemed that require some persuasion on his part. With steeled eyes and an edge in his voice, the Hokage verbally reminded the rightfully indignant child whom he addressed.

"Sit down. _Now."_

For all his fury, Naruto froze as he felt an icy chill grip his spine when those words were uttered. What… what was this feeling?! Whatever bravado previously held was erased by what he realized was fear. Fear for his life. The source sat across from him, radiating icy disappointment.

"I said to sit." Coldly ordered the Hokage.

As Naruto did so, the aura of death left, and a portion of Naruto's anger returned in a hot glare.

The aged man sighed as he briefly set his gaze to the side.

"Naruto, I'm sorry for doing that." Hiruzen began with an apology. His eyes returned to face Naruto. Danzō had forced the Hokage's hand this time, and Naruto's trust was something that Hiruzen needed to keep. The power held within him warranted that he keep the boy close...if not happy.

"The ANBU sent after you were not under my orders, they belong to a different division altogether."

Naruto's eyebrows quirked, yet he held his tongue. For the time being. Hiruzen knew the boy was bound to blow up again. He felt betrayed; and for good reason at that. If Danzo had his way, the boy might well be part of Root by now. The thought almost made him shudder. Danzo would've corrupted the boy, twisted him into soulless weapon unable to think nor feel. His own plan might not be perfect, but at leas the boy would still retain the freedom to choose his own fate.

"There is an off-the-books sector of ANBU known as ROOT," he began slowly, "their leader-"

"Then arrest _him_ and let me explain what happened!" Naruto loudly interrupted. "They...the village should know the truth, right?"

"I'm afraid its not that simple, Naruto." Hiruzen sighed with a shake of his head. "There are forces at work that you don't understand."

Unfortunately, Naruto refused to accept that and made his opinion known.

"Bullshit! You're the Hokage!" he swore a denial, temper sparking back to life with a roar. "Your word is law, and opposition to it is treason! How can't it be simple!?" His very shoulders seemed to remble, shaking with anger. Hiruzen knew he couldn't talk to him like this, not here at least. However, there was a silver lining in all things. Naruto had come to him of his own accord, making the Kage's next move so much easier. It would wound his spirit perhaps, but taking him into custody would ultimately be for the best; here and now, before that mysterious third party intervened again.

"This is for your own safety Naruto. One day you'll forgive me."

"Wait, what do you-

A flare of minuscule flare of chakra was the only signal the hidden ANBU guards needed. Two men burst towards Naruto; one to restrain his body, the other to bring him in for interrogation. Hiruzen schooled his face into a mask when he saw the realization dawn in his eyes. It was obvious to everyone that another individual had been present at the time, given the nature of the wounds on Mizuki's corpse. However, the fact remained that Naruto had stole the Forbidden Scroll which in turn led to it's currently unknown whereabouts. He didn't want it to come to this, indeed, he would've preferred to avoid it altogether.

But the boy left him no choice.

"What's going on?!" Naruto fell into a coughing fit when he felt hands on his arms. "Let go of me!"

A kunai found itself at the boy's throat, silencing his protests. He went rigid, betrayal and disbelief chasing themselves across his face. Trapped in their grip he and his companion were more than enough to hold the blond in place. The boy might be energetic, but he had absolutely no hope of breaking their hold. That didn't concern him. Naruto's expression did. As if someone had reached out and snuffed out a flickering candle, so too did the boy's expression close down, all warmth and hope-even anger-fleeing from his visage.

That was far worse.

"Old man, this is a joke, right?"

He couldn't bring himself to answer him.

"Naruto Uzumaki," One of the black-ops shinobi addressed him in a low monotone. "You are hereby-

Naruto's body suddenly and inexplicably went limp in the grasp of his captors; blue eyes rolling back in his head as he collapsed. Both Anbu started at the sudden lack of resistance, pausing just long enough to adjust their grip on the now unconscious jinchuuriki. Hiruzen fought the urge to rush to the boy's side. Naruto had never been the healthiest child, but even so, he rarely took ill. For him to collapse like this was unheard of. Had the shock of it all finally caught up to him, or was something more sinister at work? Still, the Anbu's grasp seemed solid enough...

Said grip found itself shattered as an immense _thing_ hauled both men into the air.

A low growl filled the room.

 **"…Grrrrrrrr…"**

Hiruzen had seen many things in his day. The horrors of war still haunted his dreams, overshadowed only by the roar of the dreaded Nine-Tailed Fox. He had witnessed life being given and taken more times than he cared to mention. The old man had also seen many, many individuals in his surprisingly long life as a shinobi.

Never once had Hiruzen ever seen a being like the man he currently laid eyes on.

Behind Naruto stood a muscular mountain of a man with gray, leathery skin to match. This newcomer's shoulders easily reached over five feet in broadness, and his long, unruly hair stood stained a dark black. He wore no top allowing the battle-scarred surface of his hide to be proudly displayed. His palms were wider than the ANBUs' heads he currently grasped. The beast literally held their lives in the palms of his hands. Fingers tightly wrapped around to the back, even now Hiruzen could hear their masks crunch from the pressure. It was anger given form, madness manifested.

It stood between him and Naruto.

"G-Gahhh…."

At some unspoken command the men were released, their unconscious but still breathing bodies landed on the floor.

In that instant, he he glimpsed another, lurking in the shadows.

Clad in a black, form-fitting outfit, her dusky skin lay on display for all to see. As though just begging to be touched. All save her face, concealed behind a grisly skull Mask. She lingered touching a hand to each Anbu in turn, her violet hair swaying in a faint breeze. That ghastly mask spared him little more than a passing glance; as though he were of no consequences. Or perhaps he was. A flicker of shadow danced in his peripherals, then she nudged past the beast, taking up a flanking position to cover the doors; that very same door through which his guards had burst.

Silently, she eased it shut.

Then the mountain began to turn and he lost all sense of thought.

Hiruzen had seen many faces. Some kind, others hostile, and still others neutral. Never once had he beheld an expression filled with so much hatred until the boulder faced him. The eyes were completely red. Not even an iris or pupil were present. Teeth were bared in vengeful snarl, exposing canine teeth even an Inuzuka would be jealous of. The mountain leered down at the Sandaime as if he were an ant to be stepped on then scrapped off only to be repeatedly pounded with a hammer. Worse, that hammer was now glaring at him.

"Wh-Where on earth did this monster come from?!"

Ponderously, the mountain leaned forward.

Its towering visage loomed before him.

Everything creaked beneath it.

Then, incredibly, it spoke.

One, solitary word.

A gravely growl.

 **"NO."**

 _"Well said, Heracles!"_

In a swell of saffron, she appeared.

If the mountain was the beast, then this was beauty.

Clad in a flowing ballroom gown that would make even Anko Mitarashi blush, the newcomer was the very height of regality. One might even call her imperial in her royal majesty. Gold. Red. White. These were her colors, her brilliance almost blinding to behold. Flaxen hair the color of straw bound by a crimson bow framed that gentle yet stern visage. One arm had tucked the lifeless boy into her bosom, concealing his unconscious face from any and all harm, shielding him against the world. The other rested upon a crimson blade nearly as long as she was tall; its jagged edges promised pain for any who dared cross her.

Sarutobi strongly suspected the wrong words would bring that blade to his throat.

Everything had gone wrong.

Instinct compelled him to move; and it was instinct that spelled his undoing. Scarce had he risen in the face of the Heracles towering fury than the giant's hand crushed down on his chest, entrapping him against the very desk he'd sought to abandon. Something cracked in his chest and the Sandaime felt himself wheeze. Once more those furious eyes loomed large before him, that furious visage scowling down at him in silent scorn. For all his chakra, he simply couldn't extricate himself from the beast's grasp. Worse, his strength meant nothing in the face of this overwhelming might. Even now he could actively feel his ribs being crushed in spite of his reserves desperately seeking to strengthen them. Even now, his sight was fading, spots dancing across his vision...

"Urk!"

It was like trying to fight an avalanche with both arms tied behind your back; try as he might, he was swept up in the landslide.

"Now, now, Heracles." the woman in red soothed. "Don't crush him. That would greatly inconvenience our praetor."

With an incomprehensible reply born of angry growling, the beast relented its hold. Just a touch. Enough to allow Hiruzen to breathe unimpeded, yet more than sufficient to restrain both his arms and legs at his sides lest he attempt an unwise escape. Part of him suspected that, should he make any untoward moves, the mountain would crush him on the spot. No, perhaps it would regardless. There wasn't so much as a glimmer of reason in the eyes of the mad demigod, only madness. There could be no reasoning with such a creature. It was the storm, and one couldn't hope to fight it.

But where had it come from?

Monsters didn't appear from thin air; yet this "Heracles" had done just that. He'd barely seen the golden swirl of light before it struck. And where, for that matter, had the woman come from? He'd seen all manner of jutsu in his long lifetime, but that was neither here nor there. He'd barely felt the faintest wisp of energy, then they were simply _there._ He suspected there were many more of them who'd yet to make an appearance.

 _Just how many allies did the boy have?_

Perhaps sensing his hesitation and yes, fear, the swordswoman beamed at him and thrust out her substantial chest.

"You are the leader of this village are you not?" she purred. "Then by all means, from one ruler to another...

Those poison green eyes narrowed upon him.

A mad smile danced upon her full lips.

 _...let us converse."_

 **A/N: Ahhh, and Naruto's F-Rank Luck prevails once again...**

 **...in the worst possible way.**

 **Yes, I just did that.**

 **Does Naruto have health issues in this story? Or was it merely the strain of summoning Heracles? Who knows...?**

 **So let's clarify.**

 **Heracles, Hassan of Serenity, and Nero-ALL HAIL THE UMU!-showed up at the end there.**

 **And now Naruto, through the actions of his well-meaning Servants, has yet more blood on his hands. Oh, dear. There's a tease there with Ino at the beginning, but I'm saving that for the next chapter and all the sweet, sweet juicy bits that are to come. It was hard work helping GreyBlueFlames98 out and writing this-in tandem to my other stuff-but somehow we've been able to make it work despite that.**

 **Heracles rears his head!**

 **I say again, Sarutobi Hiruzen is a fool.**

 **A good-natured one perhaps, but a fool nonetheless.**

 **Conversely, the same label applies to one Danzo Shimura.**

 **You really shouldn't play with fire when you've got DYNAMITE in your hand.**

 **Don't worry, there won't be bashing; but I won't be singing Konoha's praises either.**

 **Yeah, Naruto's life got a hard reality check and its affected his mind drastically.** **For better or worse remains to be see, but his mind has...matured, if not hardened from this incident. He's all but given up his dream of being Hokage.** **Next time, consequences! But are they positive or negative? Hmm...**

 **Don't forget to review! Reviews feed my creative engine!**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy these previews!  
**

 **Yes, there's a lot of them. Why would you complain about that.** **Mind you, they're rough. As in** **not concrete yet. They're just possibilities, after all. This story may be a tad serious at times, but it can certainly have its moments of levity.** **You'll be surprised!**

 **Guess, I dare ye!**

 **(Previews!)**

 _...I can't believe we pulled that off."_

 _"Pulled what off!? This is disaster! An absolute disaster!"_

 _Heracles grunted a question._

 _"No, not you, big guy. You were great."_

* * *

 _"Absolutely not!"_

 _Tamamon no Mae blinked._

 _"But whyever not, Husband? I see no problem in venturing outside."_

 _"OI!"_

* * *

 _Alas, in his flailing, his arms wound up somewhere unexpected._

 _Medusa gracefully tilted her head._

 _...Master, your hands."_

 _"I'm a dead man, aren't I?"_

 _"That depends entirely on your response._

* * *

 _"Install."_

 _"Aw, that's cute-_

 _A sword found her throat._

 _"Wanna run that by me again, Anko-san?"_

* * *

 _A beat of silence passed between then._

 _Then Ishtar tumbled backward, shrieking with laughter._

 _"Ohhhhh, I like you! Such a clever Master I have! We're going to get along swimmingly!"_

 ** _R &R~! _****_=D_**

 **~Nz.**


	4. Best Laid Plans

**A/N: REVIEW FOR IT FEEDS MY ETERNAL ENGINE OF CREATION!**

 **WARNING! I am on pain pills after my surgery, so I apologize for any grammar issues.**

 **Disclaimer: As ever, I own no references, quotes, or anything related to other media, yadda, yadda, yadda...**

 **I'm sure you've all been wondering where I got to after all these months. In a word? Surgery. Several of 'em, two of which were only a week or so apart from one another. Ah, the joys of being born with a defective heart! Long story short, I dropped an unhealthy amount of weight-didn't help that I've barely got any to begin with-lost some muscle mass and found myself out of work for a few months as I recovered. From**

 **Toss in a nasty case of bronchitis and...yeah. It wasn't fun.**

 **In any case I've been making a come back with my Fate stuff, because lets face it, these characters are just a treat to write in any scenario. Since I was gone for awhile and despite not being able to play Fate Grand Order-on this old flip phone of mine-I kept up with things. And let me just say this:**

 **Hehe.**

 **Hehehe.**

 **BAHAHAHAHA!**

 **But now I'm FINALLY able to continue!**

 **So many ideas! So many plans! So many new Servants! I'm sure you all know, but this story has the potential to be absolutely off the wall BONKERS and I'm relishing in every moment of it. Of course, there's still a the main Fate Grand Order/Naruto fic I'm writing, but that's a ways off yet. I want it to be juuuuust right. I'm well aware that Grand Order has a LOT of material to work through including with some notable villains-looking at you, Rasputin/Kirei!-and the sheer amount of characters contained within.**

 **I'll do my best not to disappoint! Ahh...I'm tired...!**

 **Once more, I feel I should point out that Naruto does indeed have F-Rank Luck.** **Sometimes this is a boon...other times not so much. Furthermore, he can't simply spam servants. At present he can summon**

 **Summoning high tier Servants like Heracles puts his body under a lot of stress and can-at times-cause him to faint. He needs to build up a tolerance to it.** **Last chapter was a prime example of this.** **Then there's the matter of Installing cards and that's something else entirely.** **Naturally, our boy's going to be weak in the beginning. That's to be expected.** **In a sense we're all weak when we first set out on our journey; its only later that we become strong.**

 **Naruto hits his lowest point in this chapter. He literally gets the rug yanked out from under him.**

 **But the night is always darkest before the dawn, and the dawn is coming...**

 **Fair warning, he's gonna be a MONSTER in later chapters. In terms of strength, I mean.** **So, be warned. Gilgamesh isn't done with him. Furthermore, Sarutobi learns precisely why you SHOULD NOT mess with a Servant. Especially Nero and Heracles. They're...not nice when you push them too far. Furthermore, they're prone to misunderstandings.**

 **Now, onward~!**

 _"Will you give into fear, then?"_

 _"Or will you surpass it?"_

 _"Make your choice."_

 _~?_

 **Best Laid Plans**

 _Presence._

In a word, Sarutobi Hiruzen found himself stricken into silence by sheer, overwhelming _presence_ of those standing before him. Not merely their proximity; but the sheer aura of the beings standing before him, such that it threatened to send his heart into fresh paroxysms of agony. Perhaps that was Heracle's hand entrapping his chest, crushing the life out of him. Hmm. Likely the latter. Nor was it fear that stilled his tongue. Even in the face of such overwhelming strength the Professor's mind remained perfectly rational, dissecting the situation before him.

 _'Well. This is unfortunate.'_

All told, it didn't look promising.

 _Just how many allies did the boy have?_

Though the intruders numbered but three, it somehow felt as though they were legion. A tide innumerable. He could feel dozens-no, perhaps hundreds-of eyes lingering upon him, some with reproach, others scorn. Each waiting in the wings, ready to pounce at the slightest provocation. Any deception on his part would be met with swift and lethal force. Assuming the giant looming over him didn't do the deed first. As he looked on, the masked woman met his gaze, that rictus skull-like facade considering him blankly. Yet rather than speak, she willingly deferred to the third party in the room.

As though sensing his hesitation and yes, consternation, that crimson-clad swordswoman beamed at him and thrust out her substantial chest.

"You are the leader of this village, are you not?" she purred. "Then by all means, from one ruler to another...

Those poisonous green orbs narrowed upon him with sheer intent.

A mad smile danced upon her full lips.

 _...let us converse."_

Mental acumen aside, the aging Hokage found himself in something of a predicament. A pickle, if you would. With his body trapped and his Anbu incapacitated-or more likely, slaughtered judging by their eerily still forms and the strange touch the masked girl had laid upon them-he found himself left with little choice but to do just that. Any attempt to summon reinforcements or otherwise extricate himself from the unassailable grasp of Heracles would only hasten his end. A messy one at that. Whatever strength he wielded was made paltry by this towering abomination.

In the end, he was left with little choice but to concede to her outlandish demands. Given time he could find a way out, surely.

Thus he steeled himself for the worst and willed his mouth to move. "Very well. What is it you wish to discuss?"

"Excellent!" Still cradling Naruto's prone from, the blond beamed at him. "Our terms are simple."

As though spurred by some silent command, Heracles released him.

He couldn't help but ask:

"Are you sure that was wise?"

"We can't very well negotiate when Berserker's about to crush you!" the blonde chirruped happily. "In any case, you may rise. I permit it."

Just who was this madwoman? She spoke as though she were royalty, but he'd never seen her before.

Nevertheless, a small smile creased Sarutobi's wizened face.

"Many thanks."

Though stunned by Heracle's unexpected kindness the ancient shinobi wasted no time; in that brief, momentary lapse he wrested himself free from the shattered desk and vaulted to safety. A sharp flick of the wrist flung his coat in the giant's face, providing a heartbeat of distraction. Annoyed, the giant batted at the garment only to find that its prey had escaped. An errant wave of that gravel-grey hand rendered the cloak and its voluminous sleeves little more than tattered shards on the breeze. A low growl rattled the room, one borne of irritation rather than any real concern.

By then Hiruzen was long since past him.

Flinging himself forward, he cast a brace of shuriken at the masked one nearest the door in the vain hope of stalling her own assault. That stony facade never wavered in the face of this distraction. Rather than react, she merely tilted her head aside, allowing the edged stars to skitter harmlessly past and slam into the nearest wall.

There was simply no need for her to intervene.

Even as he reached for Naruto, Saber's face filled his vision.

As ever, the blond favored him with a tolerant smile born of dark exultance.

"And just where," she began in a low hiss, "Do you think you're going with my Praetor, hmm?!"

A fist slid through Hiruzen's guard and hammered into his liver with the strength of ten thousand warriors.

Pain erupted through every fiber of his being; nay, to call it pain would've been a colossal understatement. This was agony, sheer and primal. Every single cell of his body was united in agreement. Indeed, the sheer force behind the blow floored the Hokage outright. That is not to say he was weak of course; rather Saber's strength overpowered him so utterly that he was unable to do anything but yield. His knees buckled beneath him, legs folding like so much cardboard. Helpless to do anything but curl inward, he crumpled to the floor with a dry wheeze.

All the while his mind reeled, railing against the impossibility of what he was experiencing.

 _'Such strength! Where does it come from?!'_

One punch.

With that single, solitary blow the crimson clad woman had laid him low in a way he hadn't experienced since his _genin_ days. Worse, he suffered the sneaking suspicion that she'd been holding back. Nothing ruptured, but if the fire radiating from his side was to be believed this pain would haunt him for many months to come.

A golden boot entered his field of vision, gently nudging him onto his side.

"My, aren't you feisty." the green-eyed woman hummed, a hint of nostalgia coloring her gaze. "Even knowing the futility of your efforts, still you persist! If only my soldiers possessed the same resilience...umu!" that stray strand of hair bobbed in agreement as she nodded her head. "I think I like you!"

Despite his pain, Hiruzen somehow managed to rise.

"What do I call you, miss...?"

"You may address me as Nero." the crimson-clad woman declared, leaning against her curved blade to curtsy at him. "A pleasure to meet you."

"..."

He didn't trust himself to speak further.

In that moment combat was the furthest thought from his mind. He knew he couldn't overcome these monstrosities in a contest of strength; much less when said abominations had the backing of two others who may-or-may-not be their equal. No, to engage in battle here was good as spitting himself on his own staff. Now that he'd been freed, his only recourse was to escape. But not without Naruto. To leave the boy here to his fate was anathema to the aging warrior. Given what little he knew of the situation, his reaction could almost be expected, predicted even. Perhaps, had he given pause and considered the matter, he might've realized just why they were so keen on maintaining his safety.

As it stood, his thoughts were fixated solely upon Naruto and escape...!

 _"No."_

Any thought of flight died a slow withering death as a frigid hand settled against the base of his spine. A soft, icy hiss pervaded the depths of his mind and in that moment, his body betrayed him. Wheeling to face the newcomer he instead found a plane of frigid ice in place of what had once been his window, denying him his escape. All that remained of his attacker were faint motes of icy dust, even now dissolving on the wind. What was that just now? For a fleeting moment he'd felt the bitter a cold that would put the Land of Snow to shame. No, not just the cold, but the chill of death itself. As if the reaper itself had laid hands upon his very soul and deemed him unworthy of life.

Worse, with the door barred by that strange masked woman his last avenue of escape was now denied to him.

"Do forgive Anastasia." Nero's regal voice drew him back to reality with a brisk chuckle. "She's a bit shy, but she's quite taken with our Master. Pity he hasn't met her yet."

 _'Master?'_ Hiruzen filed that thought away for review at a later date.

If only he could make them understand the gravity of the situation, the severity of the crime with which Naruto stood accused. The village wouldn't stand for this. Perhaps once everything had settled down, and Danzo could be brought to account for this. For now, he genuinely believed Naruto was safer in _his_ custody than with these...strangers. Try as he might he couldn't believe they had the boy's safety at heart. And how could he? From a rational perspective, one could only view these foreigners as an enemy outlier or at the very least, foreigners meddling in matters they didn't understand.

How little he knew.

 _"Now, then!"_

"What must we do to avoid further bloodshed?" her head tilted aside and for a fleeting moment, Sarutobi found himself reminded of a great lioness regarding its prey. The slightest sign of weakness and she'd move in for the kill. "Make no mistake, some of us would rather kill you and put this place to the torch." she paused for effect then, a small, feral smile plucking at her full lips. "While it would easily be within our power to do so, our Praetor has ties here and we would prefer not sever them unless absolutely necessary." that eerie gaze swung northward, regarding the still-silent giant. "Is that not so, Heracles?"

The Hero of Greece offered a subdued grunt.

Could it truly be that simple?

"I'm afraid Naruto must be remanded into my custody until this storm has passed." the aging kage warned. "There are powers at work that seek to make him into a weapon. In time he may yet be allowed to take his place as a genin, but for now he simply cannot become a ninja."

"And what would the terms of those custody be?"

Remarkably this inquiry came not from the Roman Empress herself, but the faceless warrior standing watch at the door. Sarutobi started, risking a glance at the thin girl. Monotone aside, she sounded remarkably young for one who'd killed with hesitation. As ever that skull-mask offered no clues to the visage lurking within. Somehow that blank countenance proved even more chilling than those of her compatriots, if only because he found himself unable to read her intent.

"Well spoken, Assassin!" Nero declared! "I second your opinion! What would would you ask of us, leader of Konoha?"

"You would required to submit to questioning, at the very least. Who you are, where you hail from, the identity of your allies." When neither challenged him, Hiruzen dared to plow onward in the hopes of cementing what he viewed as an increasingly tenuous alliance. "Naruto would be separated from you while we inspect-

Heracles growled.

Assassin absolutely _hissed._

He'd expected anger. Scorn at the very least.

Not...laughter.

 _"Ha!"_

A sharp, sudden peal of joyous disbelief burst from Nero's lips with such clarity that it momentarily stunned him. Doubling over to clutch at her stomach, the busty blond giggled like the mad empress she was; her laughter ridiculing him, his statement, the world itself. Such was her mirth that she momentarily lost control of Naruto's body; if not for a dutiful Heracles she would have dropped the boy outright. As it stood the hulking Servant swooped down with speed bellying his size and scooped the boy up in a giant hand before Hiruzen could seize the opportunity.

"Forgive my rudeness," she sighed, wiping an errant mirthful tear from her cheek. "It has been some time since someone spoke so...bluntly to me. How refreshing."

"Be that as it may, my demand stands." Sarutobi warned stonily.

"Demand?" Nero's jade gaze tightened. "No. It does not."

"Regardless, I'm afraid I-

Berserker _moved._

In an impossibly fluid motion the towering Berserker brought a bare foot down upon the floor.

 _Hard._

The entire tower trembled, shaken to its very foundations. An ominous crack filled Hiruzen's ears, punctuated by the telltale sound of a pillar giving way somewhere below. For a fleeting instant the world fell silent. In that brief momentary millisecond of peace, Hiruzen almost dared to hope. Then harsh crunch of sundered mortar roared back to life and the world erupted. No, the tower wasn't collapsing as he'd feared but it _was_ tilting, slowly skewing itself aside with each passing heartbeat. Behind Assassin the door rattled as someone slammed their shoulder against it.

"Hokage-sama?!" a woman's muffled voice resonated through the battered frame. "Are you alright?! What's going on?!"

Throughout it all, the Servants stood, unaffected.

"You misunderstand." Nero declared, eyes sparking like flint, her voice raised to make herself heard over the deluge of noise. "We are not asking for your permission in this, oh Fire Shadow. Nor do we require such a thing." a rare note of anger trickled into her voice, warping her words into a low growl. "You honestly believe _I_ would allow you to separate me from my Praetor? To be used as a bargaining chip against us? What manner of fool do you take me for?!" A crimson rose manifested between her fingers before he could speak, silencing him with a gesture. "This will not stand!"

With a contemptuous snort, Saber flicked it toward the ceiling.

"Behold my glory," she intoned gravely, emerald eyes gleaming. "Hear the thunderous applause." her voice rose with sound aplomb, chastising him for his earlier temerity. "Sit down and praise." those words seemed to swell within the four corners of the room, consuming its every edifice with her declaration." My Golden Theater! Kingdom of Heaven and Hell!" the longer she spoke the more his vision swam, reduced to little more than a tattered blur as her speech resonated with his very soul. "My heaven, reconstructed! This is where the limelight shines!"

In a sharp scything motion she brought her blade down.

 _"Aestus Domus Aurea!"_

And the world changed.

To say that it warped wouldn't have been far from the truth; save that it did not. One moment Hiruzen stood in a crumbling tower facing the very real possibility of collapse...the next reality shifted and he found himself in another realm. Rather the tumbling tower had ceased to exist entirely. In its place stood a realm out of time and history. A golden theater resplendent with crimson, ruby peals draping down from on high. Thousands of seats awaited his gaze, hemmed by empty shadows he didn't recognize. A world that shouldn't exist, yet did all the same.

What manner of madness was this?

This sorcery went far beyond mere jutsu or a summoning technique. It surpassed the arts of the First Hokage, even. This...this was...

"Let me leave a saying with you." Nero's resonant voice arose behind him. "A miss is as good as a mile. Now, then!"

The searing heat of her blade pricked against the back of Hiruzen's neck even as he turned.

This time, there was no mercy to be found within her emerald gaze.

 _"Let us discuss the terms of your surrender."_

* * *

 **(...0o0o0o...)**

* * *

...I can't believe we pulled that off."

"Pulled what off?! Heracles leveled the place!"

"T-To be fair, Saber-san _did_ spare the old man's life...

"Umu! I did indeed! Now those peasants will think twice before tangling with us again!"

"I'm surrounded by fools. Why did I think you could be entrusted with this task?! You're unbelievable!"

 _"You wound me, Artoria!"_

"I'll do more than wound you, you damn lookalike!"

"You'll have to catch me first! You're too slow as an Alter! Hahahaha!"

 _'Too many voices in my head...shaddup will ya?!'_

An annoyed snarl shattered the darkness around Naruto all at once, stirring the battered blond from his slumber. Wait. When had he fallen asleep? Bleary eyes blinked up at the ceiling of his apartment, only to narrow in pain a fresh spike of agony jabbed through his forehead, forcing the young man to squint his gaze shut against it. Why was he here? His last memory consisted of having it out with the old man, those Anbu barging in, the towering shadow that was Heracles...aha. Memory crashed down upon him in a bitter wave of realization as he remembered. He sorely wished he hadn't.

 _'Damn.'_

In that moment, he longed to tumble back into the black but sleep would not come to the jinchuuriki. Instead it eluded him, slipping through his fingers even as he sought to grasp it. Oddly enough, so did his anger. Try as he might, he couldn't bring himself to feel anything other than hollow exhaustion. Only a day had passed since this madness had begun, but it felt like a lifetime.

So.

He'd been betrayed, again.

And for what? Where had he gone wrong?

 _'I don't understand. Everything I've done up until now...was it for nothing?'_

A rough palm rose, shading his face-and a lone tear-from the prying eyes that were no doubt observing him. Too late. Someone must've seen it, for argument above him abruptly ceased. Someone scuffed their boots on the floor and another pressed a cool glass of what he assumed to be water against his parched lips. Forcing himself not to bat the cup aside, he drank deeply. _Cold!_ He nearly recoiled as the frigid liquid coursed down the back of his throat to, but his body betrayed him and his hands seized upon the cup with frightful force even as he swallowed. Upon draining the cup, a pale hand claimed it from him.

"Knock it off! Kid's waking up!" Ah. That was Lancer's voice.

"Finally!" someone growled. "He's been out for three-

"SHH!" a small voice hissed. "Don't say that!"

...I can hear you, ya know."

Someone was cradling his head, but when he turned his gaze he saw only snow. That couldn't be right. It was far too warm and winter wasn't upon them yet. Then what was he seeing...?

 _'Did I hit my head or something?'_

...Semiramis?" he croaked.

"Hmmph!" the poisoner's regal voice swelled in his ears from somewhere out of sight. "I'm afraid not."

 _'Then who...?'_

With a start the would-be shinobi found himself gazing up into a pair of icy blue eyes not unlike his own. Said orbs belonged to a beautiful girl, her long white hair a pale curtain against his face, that delicate fringe now shading half her visage from him as he looked on. Belatedly he realized the white he'd seen was not snow, but an ornate gown wrapped in a fur cape bearing golden blue designs etched into the fabric. A cool hand settled against his forehead even as another clutched a strange doll to her chest. A small, lifeless smile plucked at her pale visage as she gazed down at him.

"Did you sleep well, Master?"

A blond brow rose.

"Who...?"

...Anastasia." the girl's voice remained flat and cold, like a pane of ice. "Caster class."

The name sparked a strange pang of memory, one he shouldn't possess. An image of pain and blood, a pale lifeless hand stretched out against the snow as boots trampled her broken body deeper into the drifts. There was something infinitely sad about it all, a silent longing so poignant that it threatened to bring fresh tears to his eyes-

 _"Ha! Not bad, Master!"_

Then Cú Chulainn cackled.

Just like that the memory eeled out of his grasp.

Naruto twitched.

"Medusa."

"Yes?"

 _"Smack 'im."_

"Understood, Master."

"Oi, oi, oi! Don't you dare-OW!"

A dull thunk declared Lancer's deft descent to the floor; the sound brought a grim smile to the boy's face. There would be hell to pay for that command later, of that he remained certain, but as far as he was concerned the price was worth it. With a supreme effort he willed his trembling arms to support his body and propped himself up on his elbows. Someone lent them their arm and he latched onto the armored limb, using it to rise. A sea of familiar faces were there to greet him as his vision swam into focus, some old, others new.

More than a few.

There was Medusa lingering near the back of the room, her booted heel planted upon the back of a dazed Lancer. Judging by the Cu's rolling eyes, he wouldn't be getting up anytime soon. Semiramis had laid claim to her own corner near the window, though her pensive expression suggested it hadn't been by choice. Of Nobunaga or Chloe-gods be praised!-there was no sign, though their absence concerned him far more than the faint presence of a shadow-another Assassin perhaps?-lurking near his door. Anastasia was beside him of course, but the others-

"So you're awake at last, praetor!"

A new face bulled forward, causing him to shrink back with a start.

"Control yourself, Nero!" Semiramis snapped waspishly. "You'll overwhelm him!"

"Oho?" the blond preened. "Surely you don't intend to claim him all to yourself, Assassin!"

Amidst the poisoner's sputtering, Naruto struggled to wrap his mind around what had transpired.

"Nero?"

Emerald eyes rounded on him, brimming with euphoria.

"Yes! I was beginning to fear you wouldn't wake after what the old man did to you!" Perhaps sensing his confusion she flashed him a cheerful smile and thrust out her chest with a prideful laugh. "Worry not! Heracles and I concluded the negotiations in your stead."

Ah.

There it was.

The anger had returned.

Naruto nearly rounded upon Nero on the spot; it was only a lifetime of hiding his own emotions that he managed to mitigate the worst of the damage and suppress his own dismay. Even then a muscle jumped in his jaw and he had to physically fight the urge to slam his head against the wall. His hands clenched at his sides, struggling not to lash out. A disbelieving laugh burst out of him, one borne of equal parts dismay and confusion. No, this wasn't happening, it couldn't possibly be happening...

"You spoke?" he choked out. "To the old man? The Hokage? After I passed out...?"

"Umu!" her head bobbed in agreement, sending that strange curling tendril of hair swaying with the motion. "Indeed! I forced the him to concede to our demands! You may shower me with praise!"

Naruto sucked in a sharp breath.

"Concede? Demands...?"

Semiramis groaned.

"Here we go."

Naruto found himself inclined to agree with the ancient Assassin; the room spun like a top around him and his stomach roiled, battling down the urge to vomit. Not out of disgust, but rather nausea. Sick with fear, it was all he could do just to remain upright. Oh, no. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. If so his worst fears had been realized-no, exceeded beyond all measure. Had they'd actually gone so far as to threaten the old geezer while he slept?! No, judging by Saber's expression they'd done all that and more. Granted, the old man had tried to take him into custody, but that didn't excuse...this!

"What exactly," he began with a forced smile, "Did you do?"

Thus, Nero told him.

With each passing moment his expression became increasingly ashen. By the time Saber concluded her tale Naruto found himself on the verge of passing out. Or suffering a stroke. Sheer disbelief warred with a strange exultance he couldn't quantify and neither gained the upper hand. In the end, he managed only an eloquent:

"Ha?"

 _"Will you give into fear, then?"_ a new voice demanded. Or will you surpass it? Make your choice."

Exasperated, the whiskered youth rounded on the newcomer.

"Oh, now what is it?!" he growled. "Can't you see we're-

The sight of her struck him into silence.

By contrast to Nero, the newcomer was armed and armored as one might expect a knightess to be. Clad in heavy plate over a sweeping dark dress, her pale skin nevertheless stood in stark contrast to her attire. Flaxen hair lay bound back in a simple bun behind her head, stray strands framing an ethereal visage bordering on ghostly. That haunting gaze, those golden orbs, held him-nearly bewitched him outright-for hers was a presence that did not command respect, but fear. This was a jet black hero, a being stained not in impurity but wrath, a tyrant incarnate. There was no charisma here. Only fear. Merely standing in her presence could set one to shuddering.

Medusa, less so.

"You?! Why are you here...?!"

Rather than retort, she simply gazed upon him.

"I ask of you again. What will you do now, Master?" she inquired.

"Ah, Saber-san?" Nero ventured. "Artoria? I think you're scaring him. Just a little."

"Ho? If something like this could frighten him he wouldn't be a Master. Isn't that right, boy?"

Naruto opened his mouth to answer...and closed it just as quickly. Something stilled the snark on his tongue and bade him be still. To speak wrongly would end in his death. Every fiber of his being told him so. If the newcomer was not pleased with his answer she would cut him down where he stood...and all those with him. She certainly possessed the strength to do so. Her presence had compelled the other Servants to silence, be it through fear or their own contemplation. Regardless, none spoke. Nor did they move to defend him. No, it wasn't as if they wouldn't, but rather, they _couldn't._

And yet he felt no fear.

Frankly, death would be a mercy.

Part of him almost welcomed such a release.

There it was again, the realization that he'd was fundamentally broken in mind and body. Not by Gilgamesh, but by the sheer chaos the King of Heroes brought in his wake and all that followed. Once, the sight of this dark knight would've spelt his doom. Yes, she would have been more than enough to set him shrieking for the hills. Now? He'd simply experienced too much in too short a time to be rattled so easily. Just as he had with Semiramis, the jinchuuriki felt a strange, alien complacency settle over him. Not quite numbness, but something dangerously close to it. Hmm. Now there was a troubling thought...

In that moment, a switch flipped in his brain.

"What did you say your name was again?"

...Artoria."

"Right. Artoria." A jaw-popping yawn escaped the weary blond. "I'll be blunt. I want to live. I want to struggle. I want to survive. But beyond all that? I want to gut the golden bastard who put me through all this in the first place. I didn't _like_ my life before this, but at least I wasn't looking over my shoulder every hour. To that end, I'll use whatever means I can to get even. Satisfied?"

Her silence spoke volumes.

"Good. Now, I am not _nearly_ awake enough to deal with this shit. So!" Exasperated, he rolled over and tucked his head back into the lap of a baffled Anastasia. "Whoever you are, come back later. If you're going to kill me though, be quick about it." the words escaped him before he could think to take them back. "I don't have all day. Be sure and clean up afterward."

Lancer whistled softly to himself..

"Heh. Kid's got brass ba-

 _"Language!"_

That actually drew a slow blink from the dark maiden.

"Do you not fear me? I am a tyrant. I ruled my people with an iron fist. I've killed without mercy. Are you truly unafraid?"

"Of you?" his shoulders rolled in a helpless shrug. "Ordinarily, I'd say yes. But I don't have time for fear right now. If we're being honest here? There are times when I'm not sure I can feel anything anymore. Now would be one of 'em." There it was, the bitter truth he didn't want to acknowledge, the realization he cursed to the very core of his being. "And you? You're clearly all kinds of crazy. Those golden eyes of yours are still pretty, though. Regardless, I'm too busy trying to survive a king's whim to deal in maybes at the moment. So chop my head off or don't." a hand waved errantly over his shoulder.

"I won't stop you. Be a dear and make it snappy, will ya?"

Mercifully, sleep chose that moment to claim him.

 _In the end, she never did take his head._

 **A/N: Well! Nero doesn't do things by halves, does she?**

 **Neither does Saber Alter, but that's to expected, eh?**

 **And Naruto is just DONE with everything, ha!**

 **Naruto's luck has just gone from bad to worse, it seems. "He" didn't kill anyone per se, but his Servants brought down a tower, murdered two Anbu and terrified the Third Hokage. On the bright side, they've convinced the old man not to mess with him. However...**

 **...he's basically forfeited what little goodwill remained to him in the village.**

 **Yup, he's stepped in it now.**

 **Felt good to get some of the major Servants in on this, even if I had to write this chapter by myself. Ah, well! In any case I've been hard at work, with plenty a' plans ahead! Now, some might balk at what I've done, but I thought I'd go a different route from most.**

 **This is story is going to prove radically different from "A Deck of Heroes" in many reasons. For one, Naruto's relationship with the village is already bordering on hostile and his Servants-with best intentions mind you-just went and threatened Sarutobi himself. If you think this story'll end with him remaining in the village, you've got another thing coming. But that won't happen just yet...**

 **Speaking of comeuppance, Danzo will get his, no worries there.**

 **Now, Greyblueglames98 and I have an agreement of sorts, so we're trying not to use each others Servants overmuch. A prime example would be Jack the Ripper. He's using her so while she may pop up in this tale it won't be in the same role. Mind you, that agreement only applies to this story. If you want to see the others be sure to check out "Not My Grail", as well as "A Ninja's War" and of course my most popular one, "A Most Unlikely Berserker." Yes, Jack crops up adorably in that one.**

 **Furthermore, this is going to progress in...well, an unconventional way to say the least. I'm going to focus more on Naruto's training and such before we leap into the plot.**

 **Don't forget to review! Reviews feed my creative engine!**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy these previews!  
**

 **Yes, there's a lot of them. Why would you complain about that.** **Mind you, they're rough. As in** **not concrete yet. They're just possibilities, after all. This story may be a tad serious at times, but it can certainly have its moments of levity.** **You'll be surprised!**

 **Guess, I dare ye!**

 **(Previews!)**

 _"Pulled what off!? This is a disaster! An absolute disaster!"_

 _Heracles grunted a question._

 _"No, not you, big guy. You were great."_

* * *

 _"Alright, I'll be blunt. Kid? You suck. Your form is abysmal to say the least._ _So!"_

 _With a single stomp, the earth cratered beneath them._

 _"I'm going to break ya down and build back up."_

 _"Erm...on second thought...can we not-_

 _Too late, a fist barreled into his jaw._

 _"TRAINING BEGINS NOW!"_

* * *

 _A dark smile blossomed upon the maiden's tan face._

 _"No. Bad civilization is bad."_

 _"Can't we talk abou-_

 _CRUNCH._

* * *

 _...and drinking poison helps me how?"_

 _"Now, now, Master!" Semiramis managed a murderous mewl, "Think of it as...training. If you survive."_

 _Naruto regarded the pale green slop brewing before him and swallowed thickly._

 _Somewhere in the back of his mind, Shirou groaned._

 _"I did warn you..._

* * *

 _"You just wanted a pat on the head?"_

 _Serenity hummed softly._

 _"Yes, Master."_

* * *

 _"Ah. I see._ _Its your fault. You hurt her."_

 _A cold hiss of dread lanced through his chest._

 _"What, still alive? You're persistent, I'll give you that..._

 _"You took her from me, you took her from me. **YOU! STOLE! HER! FROM! ME!"**_

 _With that poisoned shout he finally turned to face him, realized the boy was rising, but his own refused to respond. He could only look on in muted horror as the whiskered warrior stood-on broken legs!-listen as every single joint in his body produced a horrifying snap. Despite his wounds, despite his injuries, despite standing upon the very precipice of death itself, the sight of it rooted him where he stood. He couldn't bring himself to approach; nay, the very thought of going near "that" threatened to give him a heart attack. A glittering card dangled above the lad's tattered palm, providing the merest glimpse before the young warrior crushed it around his fist. Golden fire enveloped his body._

 _ **"Install."** the word snaked through clenched teeth._

 _'Install? What kind of jutsu is-URK?!'_

 ** _"I'LL KILL YOU!"_**

 _His world flared white as a clenched fist hammered into his liver and for_ _the next hour he knew only pain._

 ** _R &R~! _****_=D_**

 **~Nz.**


	5. You're Gonna Go Far Kid (Interlude)

**A/N: So. Apparently people want my opinion on Anthem now.**

 **Well...**

 **I'm sorry if this offends anyone but I'm not touching it after that demo. There's the long and short of it. Moreover, I've played it and I was horribly dissapointed.** **Mind you, I'm not forcing any of you to agree with me and I have no power over any of you, but since so many have asked, I'll give my OPINION. This is not a review in any way shape or form, blah, blah, blah...**

 **Now, I'm ready for criticism, and I've already braced for the flak I'm going to get:**

 **Oh, but Neon, its not a typical Bioware game! Its a looter-shooter. Its not MEANT to be story-driven! You just don't like grindy games!**

 ***takes a deep breath***

 **BOLLOCKS!**

 **Story-driven games used to be their bread and butter! Its literally what they're known for! I actually ENJOYED Destiny once they got their act together, but Anthem feels like a freaking ripoff of said game, watered down, with crappy companions, grindy repetitive gameplay, micro-transactions, and zero attachment to the characters. I ADORED Mass Effect and Dragon Age Origins has and always will be one of my all time favorite games. Those games had heart. They had SOUL. B** **ut Anthem...no. Just no. Mass Effect died for this. THIS. A freaking looter-shooter. Let that sink in for a moment.**

 **Some may say it isn't dead: rebuttal! It sure as hell isn't thriving after Andromeda.**

 **Who knows, maybe if they improve Anthem down the line, I'll buy it. I WANT to believe EA and Bioware can do better...**

 **...but I'm just too damn jaded at this point.**

 **Disclaimer: As ever, I own absolutely nothing; no references, quotes, or anything related to other media, yadda, yadda, yadda...**

 **Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can move on; you're getting an interlude because I'm really sick right now and coughing my bloody lungs out.**

 **As ever, TFS for the win.**

 **Here you go:**

 _"So! Ready for your first day of training, Master?"_

 _...YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIVE-ack?!"_

 _"Would you look at that! I just did."_

 _~?_

 **You're Gonna Go Far Kid (Interlude)**

 _The mob came for them at dawn._

 _Little more than a band of drunken bigots-none of them shinobi-who didn't know better; men consumed by bitter, frightened prejudice._ _Spurred on by Nero's grand but misguided actions of yesterday they numbered nearly two dozen, armed with a ramshackle assortment of weapons. They had absolutely no hope of taking down even the weakest of Servants with these pitchforks or torches, but they advanced all the same, not once knowing they were marching straight to their death._

 _Pity._

 _Fear is a powerful motivator for mankind. Fear overrides common sense and drives us to do that which we could never consider in our waking hours. It drives us, compels us, consumes us. Fear can make a man loose his tongue and utter terrible, horrible things, words not meant for the light of day. And these men were most fearful indeed. Small in number perhaps, but spewing vitriol all the same._ _Needless to say, their assault was unremarkable and short lived;_ _Perhaps, had Naruto been conscious during their less-than-stellar assault upon his humble home, events would have transpired differently._

 _Alas, he was sound asleep and there was no one to intervene on their behalf._

 _They were, each of them, slaughtered to a man. No quarter._

 _Cooler heads did not prevail, on the contrary they failed._

 _And from their slaughter, a decision was made._

 _A change of scenery would be needed..._

 _...yes, a more fortified position._

* * *

 _(...?...)_

* * *

 _"AWAKEN OR HAND OVER THY HEAD!"_

Naruto jolted out of his dreams with a startled squawk and flailed to the floor. His head crashed into something painfully solid-something that was most assuredly not the floor of his apartment-which in turn caused him to jerk back and clutch his now-aching skull. No sooner had he done so than he found himself face to face with death itself; bleary eyes were afforded the most fleeting glimpse of a rictus skull mask, blazing blue eyes behind it, and someone very, very _very_ large. Whomever they were, they vanished back into the _aether_ the moment he tried to gaze at them overlong.

"W-W-W-Who in the hell was that?!"

"Thanks, gramps!" a new voice chimed. "We'll take it from here!"

Dazed and still half asleep, the jinchuuriki valiantly scrubbed at his face with the back of a hand in a vain attempt to restore some semblance of reason. Needless to say, he failed spectacularly. The vision that awaited him, indeed, the sight even now resolving before his vision wasn't his room; nor could it be called the village in the least sense of the word. This...he did not know this place. He'd never seen it before in his life. Then again, said life had consisted of little beyond his room and the village streets.

The darkest pit opened in his stomach.

 _...where am I?'_

Towering trees loomed before him, an endless expanse of darkness and shadow that was neither known nor familiar. Something roared in the distance, only to die a horrible squealing death. The sound sent a fresh tremor shooting through his body. After the whirlwind he'd already been through was no stranger to fear-he'd almost thought himself numb to it-but here, he found there were still aspects of life he _intensely_ disliked. A spark of very real concern snarled across his whiskered visage as he plucked himself upright and stood on trembling knees.

A hand clamped down on his shoulder and he nearly jumped outright.

"Sorry about King Hassan, there." the voice from before-was it a girl?-chirped happily behind him, breaking him from his reverie. "You're not _quiiiiiiiite_ ready for him just yet. Bit scary, isn't he?"

 _"I'll say!"_

Without thinking, Naruto turned to face the one who had spoken.

He didn't recognize the individual before him, but those amethyst eyes framed by pink hair set him at ease all the same. His sixth sense-or rather, the fain connection he felt to this individual-informed him that this was no mere human, but a Servant, and a strange one at that. _Rider._ Their class popped into his head almost without want or warning, placidly told by the Deck-still carefully bound in a leather tome in his pouch-even as he paused to wonder at them. Clad in strange lightly-plated armor with a wild white cloak, they looked the picture of refined elegance and quite discretion.

...then they opened their mouth.

"Hello, Master~!" Beaming down at him, the pinkette snapped off a saucy salute. "Astolfo, at your service! Did you sleep well? You were out for awhile."

An alarm bell went off in the back of Naruto's head. Perhaps it was something in the way Rider had phrased his words just now. Perhaps it was that nervous, twitching face. Perhaps it was simply his own innate suspicion stoked by the constant betrayal he'd endured for the last few days. Regardless, Uzumaki Naruto found something amiss in Rider's smile just now.

He frowned.

...what did you do."

Astolfo's expression turned sheepish.

"Alriiiiiiiiiight, but you can't be mad at me."

"Rider." That frown drew deeper still. "What. Did. You. Do."

"Well, there _might_ have been a mob." he confessed, wriggling beneath the blond's glare. "We _might_ have killed said mob. Then we _might_ have knocked you out and- _okayokayokay!"_ At the blond's flabbergasted growl, the pinkette babbled frantically and flailed his arms like a wild goose. "You were waking up and people were looking for you and we _really_ didn't want to destroy your home so, we just made you sure you stand under...a little longer. To get you here safely! Yes!" his head bobbed. "That! Totally meant to say that!"

Naruto slapped a hand to his forehead. "Why am I not surprised by _anything_ you guys do anymore? How many? Please tell me it wasn't a lot."

Astolfo whistled innocently.

"I dunno...about two dozen drunken idiots?"

The poor boy nearly choked on his own spit. A harsh, bitter laugh burst out of him.

"Of course you did! Because I have awful luck. Ha! Of course. Well? Where are we then?"

"Oh! Right! Ahem, welcome to the Forest of Death!" the pinkette declared, flinging her arms up to the heavens. "We couldn't think of a better place for this!"

Despite his own misgivings, Naruto reluctantly cocked his head. "This?"

"Why, to train you, of course!" Light armored knuckles affectionately rapped the back of his skull. "Do keep up! We couldn't well take you out of the village without risking a manhunt now, could we? Semiramis was quite adamant about that; so she was _over the moon_ when Lancer found this place! Only an idiot would follow us in here! Well, one or two idiots actually did. Ah!" seeing the disbelieving gleam in his Master's eyes, the young man wilted somewhat. "Don't worry! Serenity took care of them!"

The lingering scent of blood certainly attested to that.

"Wait," he asked, "Who is Serenity...?"

 _"Here, Master."_

The faintest whisper gutted his attention, causing him to turn. Was that another wisp of shadow in the darkness; he wasn't sure, whomever they were, they vanished shyly into the ebon gloom when he looked straight at them. It? Her? He couldn't be sure. For a moment there he thought he glimpsed another bone-what mask, this one smaller than the writhing terror he'd seen in his waking moments. Mastering himself in spite of the fear clamoring in his chest, the young man mustered his resolve and shook his head.

"So let me get this straight. _You."_ incredulous, he pointed at him-her?-and struggled not to balk. "Are going to train _me?"_

"Alright, I'll be blunt." the paladin admitted. "Kid? You suck. Your form is abysmal to say the least. So!"

With a single stomp, the earth cratered mightily beneath them.

"We're going to break ya down and build back up."

Naruto fought down a flinch at the jagged reminder of his own weakness. Astolfo's words cut deeper than he would've liked; even that simple gesture just now served as an awful warning; if anyone betrayed him, he could not stop them. Never before had he been made more aware of his own lack of strength-and his horrible luck-at the moment. For that to change, he would need more than good fortune; he would have to reinvent his very sense of self. Who knew how long that would take? But digging in his heels now served no one.

"Alright. Training sounds good. Where do we start?"

Astolfo grinned.

It was, in a word, terrifying.

"That's more like it! You're gonna go far kid."

"Well, I'm not a very good teacher." the paladin admitted, shrugging. "Thankfully, I brought backup!"

Naruto froze as his sixth sense shrieked a warning. Something-no, several things-pulled on his reserves, pulled hard, leaving him reeling. "Wait, who-

Laughter answered him.

"BAHAHAHAHA!"

Without warning, Naruto's world imploded.

Earth burst behind his back as a hulking shadow crashed to the forest floor, bringing with him the joyous cackle that only a madman could know. Before he could even think to dodge, to escape, to get the hell away from this thing, it pounced upon him and seized him by the throat. Croaking in surprise, he clawed at the giant fist encasing him, to no avail.

"Ack?! Lemme go!"

The newcomer was...large.

Bright blue eyes blazed back at him.

A towering titan of a soldier dwarfed only be Heracles, his great grey body sheathed in scars. Muscular didn't even begin to do this hardy giant justice, nor that eerie, toothy grin that dominated his face. Those odd leather strips clung to the strangest parts of him, coiling fiercely about not only his body, but his very visage. Here was a man for whom sanity held no reason, no sway, no truth. A being devoted to a single purpose, a singular goal, and if he wasn't careful, that goal would render him a red smear on the ground.

Somehow, that made him all the more terrifying.

"BOY!" the newcomer boomed! "Are you the oppressor I seek?!"

Naruto vigorously shook his head. "Nope!" he babbled frantically, "Not an oppressor! Quite the opposite! I'm _very_ oppressed!"

"Oho?

That wide grin grew wider still, stretching across the madman's face. Incredibly, the Berserker actually dropped him. Naruto scarcely felt himself fall; he was far too busy massaging his neck, wincing at the bruises already forming there. Too close. Way too close. He'd seen his life flash before his eyes, felt those giant fingers tighten about his windpipe. If he hadn't convince the giant of his intentions just now, the man would have ended him in an instant; snapped his neck without so much as a second thought.

"Spartacus," A new voice, cold as steel, cut in. "We've come here to train him, remember? You can smash oppressors later."

Amazingly, the grey giant conceded and stepped aside, making way for the third member of their party. Looking back, Naruto almost wished he hadn't. He would've much preferred the Berserker to the hell that followed; at least he had some idea of how the Berserker of Red operated. This one...however...

Astolfo snickered, drawing a hiss from the boy. "I will _get_ you for this!"

"Looking forward to it!"

"Indeed!" the giant declared heartily, slapping the smaller Servant on the back with enough force to send them stumbling forward. "Fighting against oppression is a noble cause!"

"Silence, both of you." the newcomer snapped. "If you're not going to help, then hold thy tongues."

By comparison, the companion of Spartacus was far more terrifying.

Stark red eyes gaze back at him within a tan face, shrouded by pale hair under a flowing white veil. Much like her comrade she seemed to scorn excessive clothing; her tan body had been forged in war, scars and all. Yet there, beneath them, he glimpse what might have been tattoos, pale white lines etched into her sun-tanned skin. Those eerie scarlet orbs regarded him blankly. Without thought, without emotion, without care. As though he were naught but a broken doll in her eyes, one she was considering discarding even now. In the end, she did not. Her slim body shifted, regarding him coldly.

...are you ready, Master?"

An icy dagger of fear stabbed his heart.

"Try not to break him, Altera!" Astolfo chirruped.

The warrior frowned. "I promise nothing, Rider of Black."

One could only think so. "Um...can we reconsider this? Please?"

A dark smile blossomed upon the maiden's tan face.

"No. Bad civilization is bad. Prepare yourself."

Naruto tensed beneath that gleaming gaze. Every fiber of his being devoted itself to this moment, trying to dodge the attack that he knew must be coming. The maiden in white-Altera!-didn't even deign to raise her blade against him. Instead, she did the unthinkable. A lone arm rose, fingers clenching into fists as she swung the limb back. Wordlessly, she turned to face him, dropping her stance low to the ground. Once more that haunting, beautiful gaze fixed upon him, measuring him, determining his worth. Judging by her frigid expression, she did not approve of what she found there.

"Dodge." she commanded, the word resonating within the forest.

Spartacus boomed a harsh laugh. "I'd so as she says, boy!"

To his credit, Naruto tried to. He really, truly did.

When the earth splintered he dropped flat to the ground; a raging hurricane blasted above the space he'd just occupied, shearing stray strands of saffron from his head. An approving grunt from Altera followed. In disbelief he momentarily goggled at her, only to realize his mistake a heartbeat later as her heel cannoned into his chin. His feet left the ground, his world spinning like a demented top as he hurtled into the trees; he simply wasn't prepared for any of what followed. Faint movement flickered in his vision, and quite suddenly, he found himself gazing up at clenched knuckles, a taut fist his face was even now rushing toward.

A soft, almost dissapointed sigh trickled into his ears.

 _...you weren't ready."_

He managed one quick retort before she clobbered him: "Oh you have got to be kidding me."

Then her powerful first barreled into his jaw and he knew no more.

The boy slammed into the forest floor with a boneless gurgle.

Altera alighted soundlessly beside him.

She too, had something to say.

It would be a long day.

 _"Again."_

 **A/N: Well! Servants don't do anything by halves do they? Naruto's either going to emerge from this training as an absolute powerhouse...or an emotional wreck. Probably both. Its going to be a wild ride and hope you all will stick around with me until the end! Now, then:**

 **Don't forget to review! Reviews feed my creative engine!**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **No previews this time!**

 **Alright...just one.**

 **(Preview)**

 _No! A thousand times no!_

 _Anko sputtered at the order she'd been given._

 _"What?! NO! Hell no! Why do I have to take care of the brat?! Screw you old man!"_

 _"Oh, you'll do it." Hiruzen's face didn't falter. "You WILL or I'll see to it you never taste dango again."_

 _The poor woman's teary expression proved almost comical by comparison with her outburst. "That's crueeeeeeeeeel~!"_

 ** _R &R~! _****_=D_**

 **~Nz.**


	6. Scream, Aim, Fire

**A/N: I know this isn't as popular as the rest of the series...and that makes me sad. T_T**

 **But I made a promise, and I aim to keep it.**

 **YES, the title has changed. Felt like it needed to be more in line for the series I'm writing here.**

 **Reviews are fuel for my engine~!**

 **They also support my fragile self-esteem, so there's that.**

 **Now that the site's finally stopped misbehaving, I can finally get back to writing.**

 **Would you believe that I don't play Fate Grand Order? That's gonna change once I finally get myself a smartphone. Dear god I'm gonna have to work so hard to restrain myself from going nuts...**

 **The title says it all, the Servants are literally an anchor for Naruto.**

 **In a good way!**

 **They steady him, reassure him, bolster him. They push him past his limits, keep him from losing his sanity, and more.**

 **He's even starting to fall for one of them and SHE has a big role in this chapter.**

 **Remember, Gilgamesh literally gave Naruto a deadline. Amuse him and get stronger, or he'll wipe everything out. EA is more than capable of destroying the world if he sees fit. There are very, very, VERY few Servants who could take Gil on in a fair fight, but once he pulls that monster out its basically game over. The trick is stopping him before he uses it, or blitz the ever-loving HELL out of him, and that's nigh on impossible considering his freaking Gate of Spam-erm, I mean Babylon.**

 **Now, then!**

 **Onwards, lads!**

 **For fame! For glory! FOR THE NOBU~!**

 **As ever, I own absolutely nothing beyond laughter~!**

 **Sorry for the short length, but I'm working a double today.**

 **That be a timeskip ahoy, but I won't say how long here. Ought to be obvious.**

 _"Yes, that's right, boy. Struggle. Crawl. Weep. Become stronger."_

 _"For if you do not, I will destroy all you hold dear."_

 _"Don't keep me waiting."_

 _~Gilgamesh._

 **Scream, Aim, Fire.**

 _No! A thousand times no!_

Anko Mitarashi sputtered at the order she'd just been given.

"I said no! Do you hear me?! NO! _Hell_ no! Why do I have to take care of the brat?! Screw you, geezer!

It wasn't the order that riled the kunoichi so; nor was it was the intent behind it that stoked her fury to new heights. It was the one who'd _given_ it in the first place that had her slamming her hands down on the Hokage's desk with all the fury of a madwoman. Most men would've cowered beneath such vitriol. To his credit, the "geezer" in question remained unbowed.

"Oh, you'll do it." Hiruzen's face didn't falter, nor did he shift in his seat. "You WILL or I'll see to it you never taste dango again."

The poor woman's teary expression proved almost comical by comparison pared with her earlier outburst. "That's cruuuueeeeeeeeeel~! We haven't seen him in months!""

Anko struck the desk again with both palms. Worn wood shuddered ponderously beneath her palms and for a moment she wondered if she might have broken the damn thing again. They'd had to drag it out of the ruins of the tower after it fell, even these new quarters in the council chambers were a pale ghost compared to the once grand furnishings she'd known. Gods, who would've thought the kid was capable of that? She hadn't wanted to believe it at the time, but after witnessing the wreckage herself...well. You couldn't rightly deny something like that.

Now they wanted to put her in charge of that walking disaster?! Whose idea was that?! Oh, wait! She knew that already! HIS!

"Let me get this straight," the words emerged from her in a menacing purr as she leaned across that damn rickety desk, "You, want me, to take care of a brat who pretty much has _a literal army_ at his disposal. Can I just point out how spectacularly stupid that is? How many ways it could go wrong? No? And you think I'm the best person for the job because of what? A crappy childhood? No," she shook her head, "The shit I went through as a kid _pales_ to the hell you've put this boy through. So, sure. I'll do it. On one condition."

She told him what said condition was, and to her relief, the aging warrior readily agreed to the terms of her assignment.

Under any other circumstance she might have fought for more. Tried to argue her case, even. Argued, at least.

But something in the old man's eye dissuaded her...and that last threat about the dango.

Fine. She'd do it. And when this blew up in his face, she'd be laughing.

Still, she paused just long enough to ask one final question.

"Is he still living in that damn forest?"

 _Of course he was._

* * *

 _(...Half A World Away...)_

* * *

 _"OPEN FIRE~!"_

With that statement, the world erupted into glorious golden light. It was a brilliant display really; very loud, very explosive. Rahter like fireworks all things considered. Had anyone been present to witness it they might've clapped. Nearly half a dozen Servants fired in singular order; a line of Archer and Riders unloading as one cohesive unit. The world had not seen their like in an age. Cannons roared as matchlocks exploded in a deafening pop, gates opened and dropped hail of molten lead, others simply unleashed fired in a vicious volley of bullets and swords alike.

Naruto wasn't clapping, nor did he find it glorious at all.

Not in the least. And why would he?

He had to _survive_ that.

Nobunaga had only just begun to speak when he bolted.

"Drake! Blackbeaerd!" her voice boomed across the wastes! "Let him have it!"

With a thousand rifles, cannons and matchlocks and swords-one couldn't forget the swords-trained on his position, he turned tail and ran. This was part of the plan. He knew he had no hope of outrunning the volley on his own, but that was not his intent. He simply needed to gain some distance, a handful of seconds necessary to prize victory from the jaws of defeat. Clad in little more than a pair of dark trousers and a light mail vest thrown over an old emerald-colored shirt, he knew at once that his attire couldn't stand in the face of his barrage.

"Don't slow down now, Naruto~!" Archer's bemused voice rang in his ears as he ran. "You'll die if you do!"

"I'm going to get you for this!" He shouted at a distant speck of black on the horizon.

"Please do, Master!" came the immediate rejoinder. "Now, run! MOVE IT!"

Gears turned in the sky as he ran, the ground littered with endless swords; swords he had to avoid, lest he run headlong into some of the sharper ones and cut himself. He'd made that mistake before. Berserker had been forced to patch him up on the spot and he had no desire to revisit _her treatment again. Bah. Less thinking, more running. NOW!_ He could still hear the Demon Archer's laughter as the first shots began to pepper his feet, as he leaped over a hill and snatched up a sword from its earthen grasp.

Scarce had his feet found the ground than his ears began to pound again.

He was just gathering his legs beneath him when something-or someone-poked his cheek.

"Nobu!" a small, insistent voice tugged at him as tiny hands tugged at his shoulder. "Nobu, Nobu!"

A blue eye twitched, then swung down to face his tiny tormentor. "You know, I thought I told you not to hang onto me."

...Nobu."

To his credit, the little thing managed to tent its stubby hands and look sheepish as he glowered at them.

"Jeez, you buggers are everywhere! Where you hiding in my pocket or something?"

A happy chirrup answered him. "Of course you were."

Blank white eyes regarded him guilelessly.

At a glance the creature rather resembled a chibi version of Nobunaga herself; a miniature caricature of sorts, outfit and all, only they were far more numerous and-dare he say it-downright adorable than their larger self and less destructive by half. Nobunaga seemingly had an unlimited amount of the little runts wandering about. He didn't even know where she got the damn things in the first place! They just showed up one day, much to the Demon Archer's delight. She still wouldn't say where she'd gotten them after all this time...time he was wasting as distant thunder swelled in his ears.

Why had he agreed to this again? Oh, right. He was insane. Completely, utterly, wholesomely, insane.

"Nobu!" the little creature jolted suddenly, tugging at his sleeve with frightful intensity, panic evident in its visible eye.

...why am I even arguing this with you anyway?! he addressed the tiny creature with a hiss and pinched its cheeks, "Yes, I know she's gonna have them fire again," "You don't have to tell me twice-

"Second volley! Archers! On my mark!" Nobunaga's gleeful cackle howled across the sword-filled plains with all the madness of a Berserker. "LOOSE~! Make it rain! Bring the pain!"

A distant thunder rolled through the great plains, drawing a groan from the blond. "Why did I agree to let her use that class?! She's getting way into this!"

"Nobuuuuu~!" came the answering wail as the tiny automaton hung on for dear life.

"I'm not the bad influence here! You are!"

Bellowing with as much exasperation as amusement, the young man bolted upright, causing his guide to dive into a shirt pocket as he kicked himself forward with ruthless dispatch. He leaped away, tumbling to safety just as a fresh wave of canonfire ripped through the hill he had just vacated. He didn't release his grip on the sword; pausing just long enough to swat one particularly dedicated sword out of the air, he bulled on ahead, tossing the shattered fragment over his shoulder before snatching up another. He'd be using it in a few moments...but not as himself.

How many days had he spent training here?

Weeks? Months? Years, even?

He wasn't sure.

 _Eat. Sleep. Train. Rinse and repeat._ He chanted the words like a mantra to himself, willing his weary legs back into motion as a sword cut across his cheek.

Unlimited Blade Works was a monster of a Noble Phantasm, yet like its wielder, well known for its versatility. No one could see them here. No one could find them here. The Forest of Death was a somewhat decent place to live-once you learned to avoid the predators and all the other ilk living there-but its size would've done nothing to mask the light and sound from so many weapons discharging at once. Emiya's Noble Phantasm ensured all but utter secrecy; no one outside of this space would have so much as inkling of what was going on. Unlike Iskandar's, it was also more suitable for containing threats ...

"Oi, runt!" he jabbed a lone finger into his pocket. "Better get away from me if you know whats good for you! Chop-chop!"

The miniature creature merely clamored off him quickly as he dipped a hand into his arm pouch.

He closed his eyes as a golden cared flickered to his palm.

...such as the one he was about to become.

 _'Well. Here goes nothing.'_

"Berserker." he chanted the word, hoisting the golden card aloft as a new storm descended on him. "Install."

Wordlessly, he rammed it into his chest, seized it with his will and asked the Servant do his bidding.

This time, the soul within fought him every step of the way.

It was a new trick, one he'd only discovered a fortnight ago and ironically, Chloe had been the one to teach him. Knowledge from a previous life had proven rather handy in that regard. Include and Install, she called these techniques. Include allowed one to wield a weapon from said card and wield the Servant's power within. Install proved a far more risky-and sometimes quite painful-methodology that temporarily allowed one to become a pseudo Servant of sorts and take a more active role in said power.

This was the first time he'd done so under live fire; that was, after all, the purpose of this exercise.

A stress test.

And then, as always, came the pain. Like sucking in one sharp, fiery breath, a gasp that scalded his lungs and scorched his skull. He had to struggle to hold onto his identity, lest the card overwrite it and take control. The card-and the Servant contained within-felt nothing for him and his thoughts, his feeling, his emotions. It was all rage and anger and _hate_ tied together in an ugly knot, one that would happily overwhelm him given half a chance. It did not see him as his Master, would not obey him. Thus, he had to bring it to heel or it would crush him and leave him a gibbering wreck.

Black armor bloomed around his body, and a visor encased the upper half of his face, bringing with it the sweet release of madness.

Then world burned red and Naruto felt, rather than saw himself drop to a lone knee. His once weak body was suddenly sheathed in power, a great wordless strength he'd seldom known. This was his third such attempt to use an Install. The first two had been with very willing participants, a certain bemused Lancer and later, Nobunaga herself. Neither had resisted him. Each had been warm, welcoming, though perhaps a bit too much so in the case of Archer. This was the opposite. Every breath was a struggle. There mere act of standing threatened to break him,

 **"Kill."** a voice hissed in the back of his head. **"Kill. Kill. Killkillkillkill...!"**

Still the onslaught came, arcing high into the air overhead.

Any moment now, it would come crashing down.

Steam escaped gritted teeth.

 _'I'm sorry,'_ he apologized, a thread of guilt weaving through his mind as the insane Servant thrashed within his mind. _'I'll find a way to free you from this madness, if I can. But for now..._

Then he reached deep inside himself and throttled Lancelot.

 _...I need your power.'_

With a wordless roar he beat back the Berserker's madness and clamored upright to his feet. He felt larger. Taller. More sure of himself than he'd ever been in his life. Yet the insanity still lingered, lurked in the back of his mind. Watching. He knew it would ruin him, ravage his mind, if he allowed it even a moment. What Berserkers lacked in sanity they made up for in every other aspect. Berserkers were strong. Volatile. Creature of instinct and madness, gone to their baser instincts like mad dogs. They were seldom skilled enough to do anything other than destroy, though there were several exceptions to such an ironclad rule.

Lancelot was one such exception.

His instincts were so honed, so taut, so hammered into his body that not even being bound to the Berserker class could dispel them. He was a peerless force in combat, a creature that moved with equal parts instinct and skill, the two abilities united in a heady union that made him a menace in any form of combat, ranged or otherwise. Learning from him-forced or otherwise-was the key to improving his admittedly laughable hand-to-hand combat skills.

He was the key to survival.

Through a vision only slightly tainted by the crimson stain of madness, Naruto reached down and grasped new weapons from the ground, one to each hand. The first was a curved silver sword that sang when he gripped it by its hilt, the second a long _bardiche_ of foreign make, its memory preserved by Archer here in his reality marble. Both were a grim parody of the originals all things considered, mere projections unable to stand the test of time. Fake. Much like him in a sense. Here he was, a weak boy with ill health using fake strength to wield fake weapons forged by a faker in a fake world against _fake_ enemies.

But it was a very good fake and so was he.

And he took the world by storm.

When the next volley reached him Naruto's new body seized the reins and spurred him into action with a wordless image. There was no coherent thought. No thought. No emotion. Only action. Swaying backward, he avoided the first round of superheated plasma with the grace of a born dancer; choosing to evade rather than actively block. By then the rest were upon him, swelling the world with black smoke and the rich scent of gunpowder and missiles alike. Buckshot skittered harmlessly across the haze of his black armor, weak shots weakened further by range, but he didn't slow for a moment.

Instinct sent him into a tumbling spin as he narrowly dodged a whirling pair of blades-no doubt flung by a hidden Archer-to which he hefted the curved sword from the ground and flung it back at their point of origin. A startled grunt greeted his ears, muffled through the helm, and he dared a smile.

With one hand thus freed, he committed himself fully to the spear; weaving through rounds of shots interposed by the occasional ranged attack from the odd Servant.

Still he fought on.

He caught one sword and flung it back into a cannonball, shattering it like so much glass; sending its fragments careening into other rounds to knock them off course. In the same moment his hand snagged an ax from the ground and used it to deflect a surprisingly sharp shot that might blasted off his half-helm in a single round before bringing the bardiche around to cleave through a particularly thick blade, though his weapon shattered in the doing. Another weapon scraped off his armored thigh and so Naruto/Lancelot simply reached out and seized it before it could blaze past.

In no time at all he found himself with a greatsword in either hand, laughing like a madman as he raged across the endless battlefield.

"More!" the world was a cackle, leaping from his lips. "I said more, damnit! I'm not done yet!"

Sure enough, they complied.

What he was sure of was thus; he'd improved. Whereas he'd once run from danger now he had the bravery-and the skill-to face it headlong. Without a card to bolster him his own skills were still sorely lacking compared to those of the Servants trying to train him, but he wanted to believe he was making progress. Even now, with each volley he blocked or dodged or otherwise intercepted, he attributed those skills more to the Class Card that was currently blazing in his chest.

It spoke to him reluctantly at first, then awkwardly, using images rather than words.

And like any good student, Naruto listened.

He learned.

At the very least, he was a far cry from that naive, mewling boy he'd been in the beginning. Now he willed himself to memorize every movement, each twitch of his new muscles, and commit it to memory, the better to use without his body being burgeoned by the power of a Servant. Cu had imparted the beginnings of spearcraft upon him. Nobunaga delivered the importance of a crucial accuracy lesson, as well as the importance of ranged attacks. All good lessons in their own right, but this one exceeded each of them.

Lancelot was pure, undiluted skill and instinct in their purest form.

Lancelot-begrudgingly-showed him how to move.

Lancelot taught him how to dodge.

Berserker did not think about which way to move, or the best way to attack. That would be counter intuitive. For he, who had wielded all manner of weapons in his life, fighting was akin to breathing. And with each passing moment he imparted some small measure of that skill unto Naruto.

Now he could almost dodge or deflect them all. But the whiskered warrior did not let this swell his ego, nor did he allow pride to swallow him whole. He knew whom he owed this might to. His Servants-odd how he'd come to accept that term-weren't merely the wind beneath his wings. They were also his anchor. They grounded him. Steadied him. Their voices-well, most of them-dissuaded him from making rash decisions, and their bodies physically restrained him when words weren't enough. They were fine friends, good companions...

Another barrage followed, and he cut through them like smoke.

...and he treasured them more than life itself.

"Cease!"

Just as swiftly as that last assault had begun, so too did it end in a single breath. Naruto spun, clutching the last of his swords, panting softly as he came back to himself. Though Lancelot's madness struggled and strained against its leash like a wild dog, it did not effect his thoughts overmuch. He remained firmly in control, right up to the very moment that he dispelled the card from himself. Fatigue caught up with him in an instant, and he found himself struggling to stand, to turn, to face the one responsible for this grand little game.

"Well done, well done indeed!" Archer's regal voice decreed. "You barely got hit! You pass!"

She all but skipped down the dunes towards him, dark hair trailing behind her like an ebony curtain.

With every step the word of Unlimited Blade Works began to ripple and vanish-as Emiya no doubt deemed this test a success-falling away like a forgotten memory. In no time at all the whirring cogs and endless landscape of weapons fell away, replaced with the drab darkness of the Forest of Death. With no blades to avoid, the demon archer practically launched herself forward. Others were coming forward to congratulate him, but here in this moment he only had eyes for the wild girl.

"You did well~!" Nobunaga sang happily, sashaying up to him. "As expected from my partner in crime!"

...thought I was your Master?" Naruto grumbled halfheartedly, arching a blond brow.

"You're both~!" her grin was decidedly impish. "And now for your reward!"

Naruto felt his back go tense. "Wait, what reward-

"Why, me, of course!"

Before he could think to further ask what the mischievous Archer was up to-or just what she was plotting-the blackette surged forward and captured his mouth with hers on a pleased hum. Strong arms locked around him rooting him where he stood as those bright red eyes bored into his own. In a single smooth movement she plucked the cap from her head and planted it on his own. When he tried to speak, to sputter, to offer any sort of response at all, she simply kissed him again, rendering her partner breathless once more.

"Umu~!" she purred, nuzzling her head against his chest, ignoring a certain Saber's squawk, "I am most pleased indeed!"

With this, Naruto finally managed to suck in some semblance of a breath; enough to finally speak.

"Now wait just a second!" he sputtered. "Nobu, ya can't just walk up and claim someone-

"Too late! I refuse your refusal, Master! You have no say in the matter!"

A sigh. "Considering they're _my_ lips, I think I damn well should!"

"Well...you have none! I'll just deny all your denials, then!"

Oddly enough, that very kiss would lead to a war.

A very odd war indeed, unlike any other.

And not the sort one might think~!

 **A/N: I feel I should point out something right now.**

 **This Naruto will make it to the Throne sooner or later...and...well...**

 **You might be surprised at the class he's given. I know I was when someone suggested it.**

 **But that's a story for another day!** **Felt good to make this a more character oriented chapter focusing on Naruto and the fallout throughout the village, as well as show how well our boy has begun to come into his own over the Clearly there's been a bit of timeskip and he's had a chance to grow, both as a person and a fighter.**

 **If it wasn't blatantly obvious, this "Nobu" is quite taken with Naruto as her Master; she's the one we see in A Most Unlikely Shielder. Think of her as an exception to the rule. There's a story to be told there too, but I'm keeping it under wraps. Everything is connected, and people are starting to see the strings.**

 **Our boy's also had a bit of a growth spurt if that wasn't obvious~!**

 **At this rate, the Wave mission is either going to turn into a clusterfuck or we're going to wind up skipping it entirely. I'm not sure if it would be a waste of time, given how Naruto's view of the world has already begun to warp-and** **Thoughts? I really need to hear your opinions about this in order to continue.** **Don't forget to review! Reviews feed my creative engine!**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **No previews this time!**

 **Alright...just one.**

 **(Preview)**

 _A prank?_

 _Okita groaned._

 _"Please don't. Just don't."_

 _Naruto and Nobunaga only cackled._

* * *

 _"No! Please! I won't tell! I swear! You can trust me!"_

 _Avenger hummed. No. I don't believe I can."_

 _They never saw the knife in the dark._

* * *

 _"Annoying."_

 _The man twitched._

 _"What was that you little-_

 _His head flew right off his shoulders._

* * *

 _Iskandar boomed a raucous laugh of his own._

 _"BOY! Don't try and dodge this now! Its part of your training! No cards this time!"_

 _Naruto gulped. "Are you insane?! An army?! You're going to squash me flat! And you want me to fight that?!"_

 ** _R &R~! _****_=D_**

 **~Nz.**


	7. Flaws and Faults

**A/N: *EDIT***

 **LET THE UPDATES CONTINUE!**

 **Could the trolls please stop? I've had to delete twenty reviews of nasty vitriol in the last hour or so and its make me upset.**

 ***Secondary Edit***

 **I Published this earlier, but the notification only came now? I don't know why?**

 **Because this hasn't gotten any reviews for this chapter...**

 **...and that makes me a sad boy.**

 **So...reviews? Please?**

 **I'll beg if I must.**

 **T_T**

 **Alright, then!**

 **The "Ayes" have it!**

 **We'll be going to Wave. Eventually.**

 **But, but, but! Not in the way you'd expect. Not at all!**

 **Alas, it also seems I've pissed a few people off so there was the need for some explanation on my part. F** **olks have been wondering about Ino and Ereshkigal.** **Here you go. As ever, I own no references, only chaos.** **Chaos is a ladder after, and I do so love to climb for shits and giggles.**

 **As ever, this will be gone in _two days_ if you don't like it.**

 **Quote below is a conversation between Anko and the Third Hokage...and gives hint about that's going to happen.**

 **As ever, BE PREPARED for references, jokes, and all manner of madness.**

 **I do hope folks like it, I worked hard on this...**

 **Get ready to laugh~!**

 _"With all due respect sir, he's either going to accept that headband, or reject it outright. You know that, don't you?"_

 _"Nonsense. This is what he's wanted all his life. It should help...repair the situation, at least in part."_

 _"Sir...have you SEEN him in the last few months? At all? He's been in that forest for ages..._

 _...with what amounts to a hostile enemy force TRAINING him day and night..._

 _...he hasn't once set foot in it since he drove of the guards..._

 _...and you think he's still the same person?"_

 _~A Conversation._

 **Flaws and Faults**

 _The bombs went off right in Anko's face._

At least, she assumed they were stink bombs. The foul odor and noxious clouds of green gas erupting from the black balls above the treeline were a worrisome hint on their own. As far was timing went, their attack was well-carried-out; nigh on impeccable at that. Her legs had only just launched her from one tree bough to another when the assault came. As such she was already in the air and wholly unable to try and change direction when the prank gods decided to rain down hell upon her poor head.

Her own forest. Trapped against her. Those bastards.

An Inuzuka would've been laid flat in moments, but to her credit, the kunoichi had half a second to suck in a breath of fresh air before she barreled through the cloud. She'd been all of three leaps into the Forest of Death before triggering this trap; the first of many. Special Jonin may not be the elite of elite ninja, but they were certainly skilled in their given field. Anko excelled in all things poisonous. She had been both handpicked and personally trained by none other than _Orochimaru himself_ before he fled the village. A mere trick such as this was paltry for one such as her.

Of course, that was before she saw something that caused her to inhale quite sharply.

"TRESPASSER!"

Rather than maintain her silence Anko caught herself coughing and hacking, narrowly _ducking_ as a hulking grey giant-a veritable man-made mountain of muscle and laughter-clad in dull blue leather leaped up at her from the dark forest floor and came barreling through the tree she'd just vacated, sending it crashing to the earth. His accompanying roar and sword were anything but dull. And he was fast.

Viciously, horribly _fast._

Faster than she could blink the great grey giant seized her ankle, catching her as she leaped away. She sank a kunai into his shoulder, but he didn't even flinch. Nor did she have time to properly prepare a jutsu now that her attack had failed; her hands had only just snapped up in a seal when the giant gave a delighted cry and whipped her forward at impossible speed. She barely even had a chance to scream.

"Where did you even come from, you big brute?!"

Laughter was his only answer.

And then:

 _Tree._

Breath burst from the jonin's lungs as her spine slammed against the unyielding bark of an ancient oak. Pain paralyzed her, but only for a heartbeat. Because the giant was coming after her again and full tilt, eyes wide as can be, a mad grin tearing at his face. Anko had nearly no time to react, much less plot out a proper plan. So she did the only thing she could think to do.

She tripped the bastard.

It shouldn't have worked-and it nearly snapped her right leg-but somehow she pulled it off. Momentum uncowed, Spartacus went slamming face-forward into the ground at absurd speed, velocity unmatched, dragging him further into the forest out of sight. It was a breather, one Anko used to _get the hell out of dodge._

"Ha!" she crowed, thumbing her nose at the rapidly receding plume of dust. "Serves you right-

 _Aaaaaaand_ went white as an accompanying explosive went off underfoot.

Her first instinct was to use a replacement and leap away to safety-

"Oh, for crying out loud!"

-which was in turn further complicated as she crashed headlong into a sign.

 _"Run."_ it read, a happy caricature of Naruto's visage sticking its tongue out at her.

"THERE SHE IS!" Nobunaga's mad cackle burst through the branches! "All guns! Open _fiiiiiiire!"_

A muscle jumped in Anko's jaw as fresh gunfire peppered her feet. There would be a reckoning for this.

It was a good trap and a better plan; hit her hard, keep her on her heels and cook them for good measure. She found herself pushed to her physical limit and beyond just to evade them all. If Naruto used his troops well thus far then he was at least capable of some semblance of strategy. Half a year had clearly been good to him in that regard. Huh. This was knew. Pride in someone else. Unfortunately it was overshadowed by ALL THIS UNYIELDING RAGE!

She was going to kill him.

Screw the rules, and screw the Hokage.

She. Was going. To Kill Him. He'd booby-trapped her forest!

Worse, she had a feeling they were...toying with her. That giant could have used his sword to skewer her, rather than toss her about. Those bombs could have been explosives for one, not the small one she'd stepped on, which hadn't been enough to do anything more than burn her sandals. Even the bullets peppering her feet were shoddily aimed, designed to herd rather than herd. Were they simply playing with her? Testing her? If so, then to what purpose? Or were they simply herding her? To where? To him? That didn't make a lick of sense, but Naruto was known for the unorthodox. Whatever they intended, his army melted minutes into the chase away as quickly as it come, leaving her goal well within sight.

Only then did she finally glimpse him at long last.

At a distance, bickering harshly with someone.

 _The kid was wearing armor._

Quality heavy plate, the kind you wouldn't expect to see on a shinobi. _High_ quality at that. Where had he found that? It looked positively menacing; all black and vicious, veins of red shot through the edges. Even his face had taken on an unnatural pallor, those once blue eyes gleaming a poisonous shade of sour honey. He'd even taken up a sword since she'd seen him past, planting it now in the ground and using its bloodied hilt to steady himself as he started resolutely ahead.

Someone who, most assuredly, didn't intend to lose their argument.

"Lancer?!" the word was a snarl. "What the hell were you thinking?! Why did you possess her?! We don't do that!"

"Simple." his fellow blond replied with a toss of her head. "Unlike Ishtar, I lacked a host for my summoning. She was suitable."

"That's besides the point!" a finger jabbed her shoulder. "Let Ino go! She has nothing to do with this!"

"Ino" beamed back at him.

Or was it Ino?

That was most assuredly Inoichi's daughter down there but her eyes were red, red, _redder_ than they should be and her pale complexion had taken on a slight tan. Even her hair had turned a light shade of gold. And then there was the matter of her attire. Spirits, and she thought _her_ fashion sense was skirting the edge. Anko didn't know what to make of _that_ strange getup, much less her preening.

She had no way of knowing she was looking at a literal goddess.

"Does this form not please you, my Master?" humming, the divine blond gave a small twirl, flaunting her new body in a way the Yamanaka never would. "I'm rather surprised myself. She proved far more compatible than I'd expected. Our union was nearly seamless. To think, I nearly went for that pink banshee. Besides that, we made a contract. She happily accepted the terms, I assure you."

"That doesn't given you an excuse to wear her body like a glove, damnit!"

"Are you not _wearing_ Saber like a glove?" Ereshkigal retorted with an imperious sniff. "Her Alter form must suit you quite well."

"That's not the same and you know it!" Exasperated, the whiskered warrior jammed a hand against his chest with a harsh clang. "See?! She's allowing it!"

"And so is Ino." came the imperious sniff. "Ours is a willing partnership. I'm simply...in the driver's seat at the moment. She'll have her turn soon enough, you'll see."

"I want to talk to her. Now. Not you."

"Oh, very well. Have it your way-

Her eyes flickered, wavered.

Scarlet slipped into azure.

Now was her chance.

Anko slipped down into the brush as the pair continued to bicker. She heard the Yamanaka's voice and stubbornly tuned it out as she crept closer. Inoichi might well want to hear about this, but he wasn't her concern at present. No, her focus lay decidedly elsewhere. She just had to get close, close enough to be see, to not be _wholly and utterly obliterated_ by an overprotective Servant. One step. Three. Five. She used all her tricks and all her guile to conceal both her presence and scent as she'd been taught. Now if she could just-

She made it all of two more toward him before they noticed.

"Darling," Eresh's gentle voice hummed, "It seems we have company."

Not a heartbeat later, a bare blade found Mitarashi's throat and pricked her jugular.

"Freeze. Do not move." a soft, monotone voice hissed in her ear. "One word and you die."

"Now, now! There's no need for that, Kato Danzo." A familiar pair of painfully bright blue eyes flashed out at her as Naruto stormed over. He'd banished that ghastly armor from before-thank heavens-and it was the face of a young man that gazed back at her, not that of a tyrant. "We're all friends here, aren't we?"

He raised a hand and the Assassin reluctantly withdrew her weapon.

Naruto cast Anko a decidedly pointed look.

"Did you want something, miss?"

The kunoichi rose with slow, measured movements, keenly aware of the eyes on her.

Didn't quite stop her from snarking at him, though. "Isn't that a bit rude, brat? 'S not like I cam here to kill you."

"Is it?" the young man tilted his head akin to a curious fox. "You came into MY forest, my home, and set off nearly a third of my traps getting here. Now, I put a lot of work into those traps. Quite a bit." those gentle azure orbs narrowed. "I believe that makes YOU the invader here."

"Brat." she shot back. "This was MY training ground until you lot took over."

"And I'll give it back when I'm done." came the mild reassurance. "Which returns us back to my previous question. Why. Are. You. Here?"

Such was her anger that Anko didn't think straight.

Rather than hand the item to him as had been requested-commanded, rather, by the Hokage himself-she instead ripped it from her pouch and threw said parcel at near-breakneck speed. Indeed, she flung it headlong in the startled youngster's face. It was a very good throw she thought, sharp and vicious and sure to smack him right in the gob. It didn't even make it halfway.

 _"I salute your efforts, but that was...unwise."_

Something caught it the instant it flew from her grasp.

No, the kunoichi realized as she shadows shifted, _someone._

Born of deathly shadow with a white skull mask to match, the lanky Servant favored her with a bemused sigh. They were the things that had kicked Leaf shinobi out of the forest-HER FOREST!-and this one looked ready to pounce. What the hell was he? And what was that arm? Just the sight of it sent a strange pang through her chest and _he hadn't even unsealed the damn thing._

"For you, contractor." it said.

Without missing a beat, the creature turned and presented it to Naruto.

"Thank you, Cursed Arm." the blond hummed, retrieving the headband. "But I don't think she was trying to kill me."

"Shall we kill her to be certain, my lord?" Damnit. She couldn't even tell if he was joking or not. Assassin sounded almost...bemused. Eager, even.

"No," Much to her shameful chagrin, it was Naruto shook his head and laid a hand on the Servant's malformed shoulder. "I think not. Let's hear what she has to say first."

Little did she know that said blond was forcibly restraining himself now; doing his best not to double over and cackle outright at the absurdity of it all. There wasn't even anything menacing about his intentions. He just found the whole situation funny. For one who had next to nothing before, to now have allies willing to fight and protect him, train him and teach him, and kill for him...well! It paid to reflect how far he'd come. And in only six months at that. Thank the stars he was a good person at heart.

Despite the act, he had no intention of hurting Anko.

Why, someone else might've gone _mad_ with all this power at their fingertips.

Still, he wasn't above making her squirm. Just a little. For shits and giggles of course.

"Forgive them," he hummed, adopting the manner of someone he knew all too well, "They're very protective of me these days." Then he seemed to remember the gift she'd given him. "And whatever would I do with this?" he didn't even glance at the headband as he turned its black cloth over in his hands. "By the old man's own account, I never graduated. Unless he issued a proclamation, this is useless to me."

That tore it.

She was taking control of this conversation NOW.

"He did." gritting her teeth until she felt a molar crack, the kunoichi willed herself to be still. "He also put me in charge of you-

"Ha!" the Servant wearing Ino's face scoffed aloud. "As if you could control him!"

-and you have a mission." Anko bulled on, "Effective immediately."

It was _precisely_ the worst thing to say.

His brittle mask of civility slipped.

"Do I?" the words were sibilant hiss as Naruto reared back. "I was under the impression that he _wanted nothing to do with me."_

A glimmer of pain blazed through his face, gone before she could hope to do anything about it. Just how badly had the old man buggered this up? Who else had tried to kill the kid? She knew on some level that he'd made a mistake, but Naruto's vicious turn of face seemed to suggest more had occurred than the old geezer was willing to admit. Much more.

"He's your Hokage, kid." It was all she could think to throw at him, this vain attempt calm him down. "He just wants what's best for you. If you don't listen-

"He'll what? Throw me in a cell?" something flashed in his eyes. "Oh, I _quiver_ with fear!"

His demeanor changed then, warmth turning to icy, killer intent threading through the air. Anko couldn't help but shudder at the sight. It was a far cry from true wrath or the legendary air of command someone like Jiraiya or Hiruzn could emanate, but it felt...cold. Like bitter dread sinking clawed fingers into her spine. It almost reminded her of _him._ Orochimaru. Now there was a chilling thought. Should they ever push him too far, or worse, should Naruto ever take it into his spiky head to simply leave, the village might not be able to stop him.

When he waved for her to follow, she couldn't help but obey.

But rather than walk far, the young man simply plopped himself down on an upturned log and patted the space beside him.

"C'mon, sit." he chirruped. "Lets talk."

Reluctantly, she did as he bade.

"I _am_ sorry about your forest, for whatever its worth." the young Summoner soothed her fears. "I meant what I said; you can have it back when I'm done. I have no intention of spending the rest of my life in this place; I can assure you of that."

Anko forcefully quelled her impulse to snarl. "And when will that be?"

"Soon." came the immediate riposte. "You have my word."

"Don't distract me. You're still leaving this forest."

His eyes turned cold again.

"Ah, yes. Where _does_ the old man want to send me?" those nine words-ironic-were colder than the blackest pit. "Some suicide mission?"

Still, she had no reason to _lie_ to him.

...to the Land of Waves."

Abruptly something in his face softened, an ember of compassion breaking through this icy facade. Or was it a facade at all? Perhaps she'd glimpsed his true face in that moment, seen just how truly tired he was of trying to play the part, of pretending at all. Perhaps it was a trick. Regardless, he took the headband. After a moment's consideration, he bound it around right bicep rather than his forehead. It felt like a slap in the face despite his earlier words, as though he'd deliberately

"Aha. I see. I'm being sent to clean up someone's mess." Naruto scoffed. "Is that all I am to you people? A weapon? A cleaner? Or do you not trust me with anything?"

Anko choked.

"Wait, how did you-

Naruto gave a stray shrug. "What can I say? Clairvoyance is a heady thing. Jeanne told me you were coming hours ago." when she didn't respond, his shoulders rolled again in another easy sway. "Nobunaga did her job perfectly; she herded you right toward us. Had you actually been trying to kill me, the Hassan would've taken you down, be it Cursed arm or Hundred Faces."

"Jeanne?" Anko sputtered. "Nobunaga? Who the hell...?"

When the kunoichi tried to turn her head, to glimpse _someone_ among the shadows, she almost wished she hadn't. She could clearly see Hassan and Ereshkigal from her vantage point on the log, but little else. She thought glimpses of _something_ lurking in the deeper shadows of the trees, but surely that was her imagination. He couldn't field that many warriors at once. It just wasn't possible.

"Umu~!" a new voice chirruped happily, causing the trench coat-clad woman to startle as someone simply _appeared_ between them with a delighted cackle. "Well done! As expected of my General! You did well! Very well, indeed!"

Naruto didn't so much as bat an eyelash as the newcomer-the very same girl who had been trying to blast her into oblivion only minutes before-planted herself in his lap with a happy hum. He only offered a resigned sigh as she planted her cap atop his spiky head and began patting _hers_ with the air of one who'd simply grown used to such things. For her part, the stranger only snuggled closer still, laying her chin against his shoulder as a happy newyled might unto their beloved spouse.

"Ah~!" she trilled. "I missed this."

"You were only gone for an hour, Nobunaga."

"Too long!" came in the instant retort. "Its not fun shooting at something if I'm not allowed to kill it!"

 _Now allowed to...?_

That thought died a violent death as yet another Servant manifested-thankfully well out of arms reach-nearly on top of Naruto. Anko half expected an outburst of violence. Instead this woman clad in deep, vibrant red-and holy hell she could almost see through the front of that dress-only folded both arms before her bosom and glared at the duo imperiously.

Rather fitting, given her identity.

"No~bu~na~ga~!" those bright, poisonous green emerald eyes as she growled softly at her rival. "Cease using that word at once! 'Tis mine! How many times do I have to tell you?!"

"Its not my fault you're useless outside of combat!' the blackette stuck out her tongue in impish defiance. "Besides! I called dibs on his lap first! Nyeh~!"

Saber's pale face turned an alarming shade of scarlet. "Why you little...?!"

"Now, now," Naruto prevaricated with a raised hand before they could come to blows atop him, "I'm sure she didn't mean to use that word that again, Nero."

"No!" a golden boot stamped in defiance, creating a small crater underfoot. "I am most certain that she did! She's always doing this, Praetor! 'Tis not fair!" Oh, god. Was she actually _whining?_ "Stealing you away whenever one of us isn't looking, slipping into your cot at night," She _was!_ "I demand retribution! Or headpats, at the very least!"

Anko visibly picked her jaw up off the floor.

"Then she'll apologize." when Archer protested, Naruto planted a hand on her ribs in mild warning. "Won't you?"

"Ha?!" if anything, Nobunaga coiled around him even more, an angry dragon hoarding her prize. "What?! Why do _I_ have to apologize for claiming what's rightfully _miiiiiiiiiiiiine?!"_ her words dissolved into hysteric giggles as those taut fingers began to dance along the length of her stomach with feathery grace. "Alright, alright!" she cried out, thrashing against him, "I give! Cease!"

From her perch, Anko could've sworn Saber _grinned._

Nobunaga saw it. "This means war! I'll get you for this! Just wait until Okita-

"Kid," the kunoichi began slowly, carefully interrupting their little power play with great care, "Just how many of those things can you field at once?"

"Thing? How _rude!"_ Nobunaga puffed out her cheeks in childish defiance of her words. "As if I were some common grunt!"

"Indeed." Nero sniffed in agreement. "Its almost offensive. How uncouth of you, beautiful though you are~!"

Neither of the duo had answered her question.

Rather, their General merely adopted a shark-like smile. "You really have no idea, do you?"

Without so much as a passing glance, Naruto scooted Archer off his lap-though the later only relented with a petulant pout of a protest-before rising and elbowed past Anko. Said kunoichi watched with mild concern as he paced past his guardians, stood in the middle of the clearing, and spread his arms wide. There was a moment of ponderous silence as she wondered what he was trying to do. She soon had her answer.

"Alright, folks!" he called out, voice ringing against the trees. "Lets go be big goddamn heroes! Are you with me?!"

Half the forest immediately answered him with a mighty roar.

Anko felt herself blanch like never before.

"What have I unleashed?"

 _How little she knew._

 **A/N: *EDIT***

 **Added the Nero bit there because she deserves it.** **Yes, I just did that.**

 **Nero's going to get Nobunaga for using her catchphrase all the time, just you wait.**

 **Remember. This is an Older!Naruto who eventually becomes quite the fighter in his own right.**

 **His ending can diverge in three different ways, as I said in A Most Unlikely Exam.** **Snatcher!Naruto, or Summoner!Naruto.**

 **This one's well on his way to becoming the latter, but at what cost?** **Furthermore, Tiamat WILL be in this story, as I've said time and time again. Just...not yet.**

 **Felt good to lay the groundwork of things to com here; truly, its a miracle he hasn't gone rogue. At his core he's a good person, but when you have every hero bar Gilgamesh training you, teaching all the arts of strategy, war, diplomacy and gods know what else...well. You don't stay naive for very long. As it stands, Naruto hasn't left the village yet because if given a proper reason...oh boy. In raw physical strength without the cards, his strength is already low-chunin level.**

 **And that's just in six months.**

 **In short, Anko's looking after him at Sarutobi's command.**

 **There won't be any Team Seven, as I've already said.** **Just her watching over a young man who, frankly, has nothing left to lose.**

 **As ever, this will be gone in two days if folks don't enjoy it. Sorry. ****Don't forget to review! Reviews feed my creative engine!** **They are the wind beneath my winds and keep me going.**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy these previews!**

 **Guess, I dare ye!**

 **(Previews!)**

 _"I'm really not your enemy, Anko-sensei."_

 _"Oh, sensei, is it? You changed your tune quickly. Why?"_

 _Innocent blue eyes gazed up at her. "I trusted some of my teachers. And I want to trust you."_

 _Something lurched in her chest, despite his words. Despite his age. He looked almost...vulnerable in that moment._

 _"Kid..._

* * *

 _"Why are you doing this?!"_

 _Blue eyes considered the Demon Brothers for a long moment._

 _That same peerless gaze swung back to a quivering Tazuna, then found them again._

 _"Because this world is cruel." he said at last. "And while, I'm a nice person, you tried to kill me. There are consequences for that. Its time you learned them. Gilles?"_

 _"Sire?"  
_

 _"Interrogate them. I want to know everything."_

 _"Happily!"_ _With a mad cackle Caster raised that unholy spellbook high and the brothers knew only pain and blood and ohgodwhatarethosethings-_

* * *

 _She kissed him furiously, driving him backwards to the bed._

 _"Clothes." she growled the word like a curse. "Take them off. Now."_

* * *

 _Zabuza laughed._

 _He was enjoying this fight._

 _Actually enjoying it! Against a teenager half his age!_

 _"Color me impressed, brat! Where did you learn to use a sword like that?!"_

 _...you don't want to know."_

* * *

 _"So whaddya say, kid?" the business man sneered. "Do we have a deal?"_

 _A golden card appeared in Naruto's hand, crackling with sparks._

 _"Spartacus." he declared. "I'm being oppressed."_

 _A righteous roar answered his humble call._

 ** _"WHERE IS THE OPPRESSOR?!_**

 _And Gatou Squealed._

* * *

 _"I like this country." Nobunaga purred into his shoulder. "Can we keep it?"_

 ** _R &R~!_**

 **~Nz.**


	8. Rise and Shine (Interlude II)

**A/N: For anyone who's been wondering about my absence, m** **y grandfather, who lived with me, recently passed away.**

 **That's where I've been. Listless. Adrift. Unable to focus or write for some time now.**

 **So...here. I guess. A little something to prove that I'm still around.**

 **You know, its funny.**

 **Now that I don't write as often these days-responsibilities and whatnot-I find it to be more enjoyable as a whole. I used to turn solely to this site for enjoyment, throwing endless hours and sleepless nights into each story, but now? I've found other avenues by which to express myself, go about, and make my way through life. Ways in which I'm not incessantly attacked or harassed merely for writing works of fiction and the like. Working multiple keeps one busy these days, and though I have little free time compared to earlier in the year...**

 **...don't worry, I'm not quitting.**

 **If anything? The trolls are just starting to amuse me by this point.** **I've also getting spammed by an anonymous someone who keeps calling me a mysoginistic Nazi.** **Seriously? How immature can one person act? I have not ever, nor will I ever be such thing. That's all I have to say about that. Now please cease.** **As to the rest of you, thanks a ton for the support, its helped to keep me sane during these trying times, despite the trolls.**

 **LET THE UPDATES CONTINUE!**

 **Now then, also establish some rules here in regards to Servants. Gilgamesh (Archer) is clearly not present among the Cards. His Caster and Child iterations are, however. Furthermore, some Servants have no interest in serving Naruto, such as Lancelot (Berserker) or Lobo (Avenger) and the like. Others are outright hostile to him.**

 **Now onto the class variants.**

 **For example, Medusa's Rider, Lancer, and Avenger selves exist in the Cards here. SIMULTANEOUSLY.**

 **The same applies for other iterations; events could go south quite fast.**

 **Now, then!**

 **The "Ayes" have it!**

 **We'll be going to Wave. Eventually.**

 **But, but, but! Not in the way you'd expect. Not at all!**

 **As ever, BE PREPARED for references, jokes, and all manner of madness.**

 **Think you can spot them all? I've been watching Yu Yu Hakusho and Jojo's Bizarre adventure lately, soooooo g** **et ready to laugh~!**

 _"Where did you go wrong, you say? Arrogance. Your village vilified our Master for something he was not, cursing him from the moment of his birth._

 _Every day of his life, that boy lived with your hatred; every day he endured a **thousand** slights, your jeers and sneers._

 _A lesser being would've broken long ago. But he endured._ _Is it any wonder he loathes you so?_

 _Foolish humans. Perhaps that Foreigner was right._ _Perhaps you **SHOULD** perish._

 _But that is not our decision. We will leave that choice...to him._

 _Pray that he shows you some semblance of mercy._

 _Because **we** certainly won't."_

 _~Medusa/Gorgon._

 **Rise and Shine (Interlude)**

 _"Awaken, my Master."_

Dawn came with frightful speed; _s_ carce had the sun peeked its head over the foggy horizon, than a corrupted lance proceeded to prod Naruto in the ribs with ruthless dispatch. Felt even through the thick blankets of his bed, its honed edge threatened to tug him from his peaceful slumber even as he struggled to cling to the realm of his dreams. Most would have woken then and there; indeed, anyone in their right mind would've reacted poorly to a _tainted weapon actively trying to stab them in the side._ Even a madman knew better than to ignore a Servant.

Naruto barely even grunted as he rolled over.

"Go away...m' sleeping here...

Rider stifled a smile.

Lancer...did not.

 _"Ho~?"_

Strange, how a single sound could convey such menace; pale golden orbs regarded their Master's form with cold disdain and all the wrath of a storm. If she hadn't known better, Medusa might've thought Artoria was on the verge of unsealing her spear to strike him down on the spot. Instead the navy-clad Lancer only clicked her tongue in mild distaste and jabbed him again; perhaps this time with a tad more force than strictly necessary of her. And if her right eye had begun to twitch...well, surely that wasn't worth imagining.

...oh, of course it was!

"You've got some nerve sleeping in today of all days, brat." the alter's voice carried well within the small enclosure that they'd erected overnight. "Wake up. Now. This is your last chance."

A lone middle finger rose in a sleepy salute.

Lancer absolutely _hissed._

"Why you...?!"

Try as she might to ignore this, a small, silent part of Medusa still relished every second of Artoria's discomfort. And if her other selves were in agreement on the matter, she certainly didn't need to give voice to them now, did she? Should her Avenger or Lancer counterparts have their way, the situation might be downright...volatile. No, best just to watch for now.

Naruto didn't even deign to grunt.

On a certain level Rider was almost proud of her Master for not waking up to that; after so many months of suffering through a training regiment that would make most quiver with fear, pain held little incentive for Naruto Uzumaki these days. Nay, he barely even felt Lancer's blackened Rhongomyniad in its sealed stated these days. Subconscious chakra reinforcement had become near second nature for him by now; she wouldn't expect any less of him. If something like this was able to harm him, she'd be dissapointed.

 _Therein lie the problem._

For all intensive purposes, Naruto was currently dead to the world.

She'd enlisted Artoria in a misguided attempt to rouse their contractor from his slumber; that was then, this was now. In his current state, nothing short of an explosion or a Noble Phantasm was going to rouse him at this rate. In all honesty, Medusa almost found his recalcitrance to rise entertaining. Still, judging by the vein pulsing in her forehead, his refusal to rise had stirred an ember of irritation in Lancer's heart. That one had a short fuse to begin, but the reason for her anger wasn't wholly her fault at that.

 _"Wake me at dawn."_ that had been their Master's request before he'd tumbled into bed. _"I don't want to be late for whatever Anko has planned."_

What indeed?

Despite their initial show of "acceptance" back in the Forest of Death many of them remained leery about the idea of throwing themselves behind the village at all; some of the more...aggressive Servants had threatened to mutiny outright over such decision. It was only their master's stringent reassurance that he felt no loyalty to the Leaf whatsoever-and the ever present vigilance of some of his more powerful allies-that prevented a spat from breaking out among them. Some assumed Naruto would take this chance to "rabbit" as the term went, and run off. Medusa held her own opinions on that. Who could say?

Still, dawn had most assuredly come and still he refused to rise.

After he'd told her to wake him, too...!

Naruto was wholly of a different mind, and thus, ignorant of his peril. He hadn't been blessed with the warmth of an actual bed in MONTHS. For weeks upon endless weeks his "bed" had consisted of the mossy forest floor and cold hard rocks digging into his back, brief naps broken by constant ambushes and attacks, constant sleep deprivation as his skills were pushed to their limits and beyond. Compared to that torture, this was a blessing he wasn't wiling to relinquish under any circumstances!

Unfortunately, he made one fatal mistake.

Still, if there was one trait the young man held true to, even now.

"Perhaps I might try, yes?"

With a shower of pale blue dust, a familiar figure formed not a pace behind the unlikely pair.

Despite her best efforts to retain her stoic demeanor, Medusa still felt an icy chill shot down her spine. For once, she was grateful she'd kept her eyes hidden this morning; had they been visible, everyone would've witnessed them widen with a touch of anger just now. Deep within her fractured psyche her smaller-self started swearing; spitting curses that would make even the Gods themselves turn green. Oh yes, her Lancer incarnation remembered that smooth, sultry voice all too well. She'd been batted about one too many times to forget _that_ horror.

Against her better judgement, she turned to face the new arrival.

In the same instant, Artoria lowered her lance and granted the newcomer a nod.

"I'll leave him in your capable hands, then. My measures would be a mercy compared to yours."

Delighted laughter greeted her just as the youngest Gorgon sister completed her revolution. "Leave it to me~!"

Beaming back at her despite their bad blood, her fellow Rider offered Medusa a cheery wave as she sauntered past the two of them.

"Now, then," the words emerged as a silken purr as she began to prod him with her heel, "My adorable little master~! Time to wake up! Rise and shine!"

Barely roused by her voice, Naruto merely harrumphed and rolled over, tucking the covers in with him. Still his tormentor persisted in their attempts to wake him. Once. Twice. Thrice. Upon this third and final jab his warden finally expressed their displeasure with an irritated growl; this was the sole warning the jinchuuriki received before the grinning goddess abandoned her surprisingly gentle attempts to rouse him. That should have been telling enough. Even then Medusa didn't truly realize what she intended until it was much too late.

Performing a quick backflip that nearly left her golden hair skimming a low-hanging branch, the new arrival landed three paces away, gathered her legs beneath her...

Medusa paled as she beheld her fellow Rider's smile.

Quetzalcoatl's grin proved deceptively mild.

No. Surely not. She wouldn't...!

"OLE~!"

Naruto grunted in surprise as much as shock as a sandal-clad foot came crashing down into his lower abdomen with all the might of a meteor. Breath burst from his lungs in an explosive spray; it wasn't the full force of her strength that struck him; had the Rider bothered to fully exert herself, he would've likely perished on the spot. As things stood the weakened attack _still_ ripped him from the bed, jolted him awake with a snort, and sent him tumbling to the floor in a tangle of limbs; time had taught him what would happen if he failed to heed _that_ warning. The next attack wouldn't be leashed for anything. Nor was she finished with him, at that.

The poor boy's eyes snapped open to find a pair of peerless green orbs gleaming down at him.

"Quetzalcoatl?!" He had all of an instant to squawk. "What the HELL was that for?!"

"No, no, no! You're not nearly awake enough yet! Allow me to remedy that!"

A heartbeat later she collided with him in a full-on body slam.

The poor boy's yelp resounded through the forest.

 **A/N: Hope this made you smile.**

 **I...haven't smiled in quite some time now.**

 **Losing a member of your family sucks, I'm not gonna lie. Moreso when they live with you. Gods that funeral hurt. I'm not asking for pity mind you, just explaining my situation.** **As ever, this will be gone in two days if folks don't enjoy it. Sorry. ****Don't forget to review! Reviews feed my creative engine!** **They are the wind beneath my winds and keep me going.**

 **So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review...Would You Kindly?**

 **And enjoy these previews!**

 **Guess, I dare ye!**

 **(Previews!)**

 _Jeanne's smile promised only one thing. Pain._

 _"You misunderstand. I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with ME."_

 _To his credit, the assassin had half an instant to realize how badly he'd blundered. Then there was only flame._

* * *

 _...is Abby acting up again?"_

* * *

 _"It must've been hard, huh?" He patted her head. "That was probably weighing you down. You're more than welcome to come with us."_

 _Ushi felt her world shatter._

 _With that lone stroke, a single solitary command, the dauntless Rider found that the mirror of her life-and her views alongside it!-had been irrevocably broken. Dashed upon the floor like a frail teacup, leaving her to pick up the fractured pieces. Altered on a fundamental level, so too did she find herself forced to reevaluate her opinions and priorities._

 _And so she expressed herself the only way she knew how._

 _She absolutely tackled him. "My lord!"_

 _"Hey! You're crushing me!"_

* * *

 _"Insolent mortals. PERISH!"_

 _...hey, is someone going to stop Gorgon?"_

 _"Be my guest. I'll put some flowers on your grave, Angra."_

 _"HEY!"_

 ** _R &R~!_**

 **~Nz.**


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